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My grandma is 79 years old with stage 4 lung cancer. It has been a year since her last chemo treatment. We've had hospice in for about 2 and a half months now. Grandma is declining, she eats about 3, maybe 4 bites all day, barely drinks and can't do it on her own. She gets very disillusioned, hears people not there, talks about stuff that didn't make sense. She always says she is not in pain, but her face tells differently., and her moans of aching. She takes 325 norco, but those are getting really hard to swallow. I have the morphine on hand, hospice said to give it to her and it will help her breathing. I have given it to get at night to help her to sleep, but should I give it to her during the day to? Or I am I rushing that? When she's awake she's agitated. She's so weak, can't walk anymore, or sit up without help, shakes really bad the last few days and now has blisters in her mouth and lips. Family says she needs to be awake, but she just don't look comfortable, it's sad when she's awake. ..

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I agree too. Family wants her to be awake? Grandma needs to be comfortable. What the family wants comes second.

In addition to the morphine hospice should have provided an anti-anxiety liquid, probably lorazepam. If your grandma is awake and agitated give her a dose of that lorazepam according to the instructions. Start documenting what you give her, how much, and when so you can keep track.

You're not going to do anything wrong or anything that will hurt your grandma and if you're unsure do what jeannegibbs suggested and call the hospice provider 24/7. They're there to help.
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I agree with what church said about family vs what grandma needs.
No Guilt , the thing now is comfort, she isnt going to get better...
poor girl, just love her and keep her comfortable.
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Sorry - I meant to say "would your grandmother be able to tell you etc." not "your mother."
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Absolutely, I agree with Jeanne. As primary caregiver you are in charge, but it is only right and sensible to take advice from people who have long experience of what you and your grandmother are going through.

In my mother's last days, I was very lucky that I could ask my mother whether she wanted pain relief and she was able to tell me "yes" or "no" to oral morphine. Most times it was no, but I had the reassurance that when she did need help I could do something for her.

Would your mother be able to tell you whether or not she would like pain relief? Don't ask her "are you in pain?" - instead, ask her "would you like some morphine to help you get comfortable?" It's a small distinction, but you are right to assume that she must be in severe discomfort; and she may find it easier to accept help than to describe what she is feeling.

You say: "family says she needs to be awake." Well, now. Your grandmother is the person who needs help. You are the person who is responsible for her comfort. Other family members are entitled to their opinion, but you are the one who has stepped up and taken charge. So it is for you to decide what's best, and to put your grandmother's wellbeing first above other people's approval.
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Hospice provides a phone number you can call at time, night or day. Next time you are trying to decide whether to give morphine, call that number and describe the circumstances. They will advise you.

It is a heavy responsibility to make these decisions, isn't it? One of the benefits of hospice is you don't have to do it alone. Take advantage of that.
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