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Our loved ones can get obsessed on some things. One thing my mother gets obsessed about is laxatives. She's not content with something like Miralax. She wants the heavy duty X-lax, which as you know is not good for her. She thinks if she doesn't use the bathroom each day, then she needs a laxative. I tell her no. She follows me around the house, pleading first, then yelling at me. I often end up having to leave the house. Laxatives make her stay up all night pooping, cause a mess in the bathroom, and sometimes blow out in other areas of the house.

This evening I said no. She'd been to the bathroom many times this week. I really believes that for some reason she just likes to take laxatives. It puts me in a spot, like letting her do something she wants to do, even if it is bad for her and causes a mess.

I guess what you could say she is doing is bullying me into giving her laxatives. I don't like being bullied. I like to be able to say no and have it mean something.

What would you do in this situation if your mother liked to take laxatives? Would you just give in and let her do what she wants? Or would you hold off and go through the bad mouthing trying to make you cave in? My mother is nearly 90 now, but no where near death as far as I can tell.

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Could you give your Mom something that isn't a laxative but she thinks that it is? Or would she know the difference? Makes me wonder if she just like the chocolate taste of x-lax. Look for something that is chocolate with a similar size.
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I' can give you ty solution based on first hand knowledge. My mom was doing the exact same thing! Grrr focus was exlax, tyleniol, and gaviscon. After discussing with her doctor, i have been giving her miralax in her morning water, She doesn't even notice. I bought dark chocolate bars and used an exacto knife to cut them into small bars which I keep in a storage bowl in the fridge. Whenever she asks for exlax voila! Dark chocolate!!!
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JessieBelle- there is only one way I'd let her take the laxative and that would be if she would take care of the whole deal - getting herself in and out of the bathroom and more importantly- cleaning up any mess involved. Cleaning up a blow-out is a horrendous thing to have to deal with - Rainman has had more than his fair share due to complications from having a significant length of his intestine remove due to perforation and then infection. The slightest deviation from his specific diet plan can be disastrous - it has taken me years to fine tune his eating to avoid this. I've gotten use to a lot of things I never imagined I could but washing diarreha out of someone else's private parts remains something that just makes me gag! So no - step away from the laxative!
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The laxatives are dangerous. Since Mom loves to go to the doctor, ask the doc to prescribe a placebo. That way, anything you can match to the chocolate ex-lax over the counter can be used without guilt. Thinking there is a chewable chocolate calcium?
I say they are dangerous, because women from your mother's generation used them to keep their weight down. Overuse and dependency can cause (among other things) weakness, leading to falls, confusion, fearful and anxious behaviors.

My neighbor (who only lasted here about 6 months,) took too many, fell, was taken away by 911, and because of these behaviors was placed in board and care for mental illness. (That is the greatly simplified version). Of course the laxatives were not the only problem, and I don't want to scare you Jesse. But what you have described about your Mom is similar to the behaviors of my neighbor, for the short time I tried to help her.
I don't want you to endure abuse, so changing out the laxatives may work, but only delay the inevitable that she might need more care by professionals. Hoping you can endure long enough to have your plans for her work out.
Because of possible condition, a yelling match or saying NO may not work. If anyone (not necessarily your Mom) has narcissism, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar II, this could lead to what others have described as: "she will go scortch the earth", or start aggressive behaviors aimed at you.
You are right to ask your caregiver friends on here who have more experience with what you are going through. You need to be safe, while also protecting your Mom.
If anyone can find a solution, you can! Somehow, gaining her cooperation is always ideal. I know what it is like when your person chooses not to cooperate. Fortunately, that did not last long in my home.
Taking deep breaths, not becoming unsettled because of her, keeping your head on straight, all that can help you. Many many hugs, Jessebelle.
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My mother likes the max strength laxative that comes in the little blue pills. It would be hard to find something like them that was packaged the same way. This evening I stuck to my guns and she did take some Miralax. She really didn't need a laxative at all, but she's obsessed with having BMs every day. When she does a laxative, she does multiple BMs and it isn't pleasant. Smelly and messy. I have a hard time keeping the bathroom clean. The blowout last week was so gross I don't want to even think about it.

One problem is that she can't remember that she pooped. She might go several times one day, but the next day she'll say that she hasn't been in 2-3 days. If I don't give her a laxative, she'll call the drug store to deliver a package. I actually think she gets some gratification from the laxatives.

The hardest thing about saying no is that it makes my life so hard. So I get torn between what is the right thing to do medically and the quality of my own life.
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If saying "no" makes your life harder than having to clean up a blow-out...well, I'm speechless!
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Veronica, Thanks, would you believe I first had to google extra-strength ex-lax to see what they looked like. Then I found these bulk blue candies that Jude recommended. Then, I downloaded the photo as my avatar.

Here ya go, Jessebelle! Fake, candied ex-lax!!
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It is easy to say this since I'm not in the spot, but I think I'd hold my ground.

When my mother was quitting smoking via a long transition with e-ciggs she'd often beg, plead, insist, etc. that I go get her some real smokes. She did this with all the children she spent time with. And certainly the daughter she lived with! But we all just said no. (Our concern was all the holes she burned in furniture and clothing, not so much her health in her late 80s!) I know this isn't quite the same, and I realize it is easy to say I'd stand my ground, but who knows what I'd actually do?

Whatever you do, JessieBelle, don't be hard on yourself. You don't have total control over your mother!
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Ahh gheez, I don't know about Laxatives, but my FIL obsesses about food items, and (because he is a Narcissistic and care about no-one but himself) will send my husband to the store EVERY SINGLE DAY, to pick up whatever is the latest thing he is obsessed about eating. Currently it is potato salad from the deli, cheetos, and chicken Mcnuggets. He will eat these things day in and day out, and this is after he's sent hubby to the bank 2-3 X per week, to get out a hudred dollars in 5 dollar bills. He sends him to the store for whatever he wants, pays out in 5 dollar bills, and then puts his hands out for his change. Its pathetic, and driving my husband Crazy! I know, I know, my husband could decline to go for him, but this man has nothing else to live for other than the few things he requests, and bossing my husband around, and he rarely ever says thank you. Hubby's had it, is constantly stressed, and is about to throw his hands up, after 13 years in our home. I stay out of it, or I get dragged into the middle. Hubby does not find it worth the bother to fight him on it and is resigned to giving in, rather than fight him daily. I guess that in some way he's entitled to eat whatever it is that he chooses, but if it were my fight, I would put my foot down to two trips per week, End Of, but it's not my fight. His Dad does pay room and board, and is provided 3 meals per day, and is included in the meal planning as he wishes, or meals brought to him as we do order in a couple of times a week, it's just that he fixates on these weird things that he does enjoy. Can't win!
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Now, I know this is going to sound mean but I did what I had to do to get my Aunt (95) to hear me. I told her I put Miralax in her morning coffee every day, which I actually do. I adjust the dose based on how her BMs were yesterday, per doctor. When she first moved in she wouldn't drink water. So, after taking an additional laxative and blowing out the bathroom, herself and part of her bedroom, I just told her no more. If she couldn't do what needed to be done (drink water) to keep her BM's regular, then that was her problem. And, if by not drinking water she became constipated and had to take something else, then SHE could clean up the mess she made all by herself. These days she doesn't remember whether or not she's had a BM so I just tell her yes when she asks. Or I tell her I've already given her something. This calms her down. She thinks if she has gas she's constipated. But she doesn't hound me or yell at me. Maybe if you keep saying No or tell a little white lie, she will calm down. She will keep pushing you as long as you give in once in a while....just like a child. Oh, tell her the doctor has prescribed something different than the blue pills because its much stronger. And find something else to stand in for that medicine. Maybe that would help.
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