Moving our MIL with mild dementia from AL to memory care in 4 days . When should we tell her?

Normally, Memory Care facilities require that the person need it to be accepted as a resident. So, I take it that she qualifies for Memory Care. If she needs to be there to get the care she needs, then that's what I would tell her as you are walking into the place. Her doctor does recommend it, right? I'd have the doctor back me up, so you can say that the doctor has prescribed that she go there for awhile to get better.

I have never seen advance warning helping the situation. And if she forgets, you'll have to keep reminding her over and over. That's too draining, so I would just tell her once and make it a positive experience. The facility knows how to handle it, so I would take their suggestions.

When I took my cousin from regular Assisted Living to Secure Memory Care, it went so smooth. I told her as we got into the car. I had her things packed in the trunk. I played her favorite music on the way and I talked about the good old days. When I pulled up to Memory Care, we were met by the Director and a staff member who got her in a wheelchair and took her straight to the dining room. They took her belongings and got her settled in. She ate while I filled out paperwork. (I would do that in advance if possible.) And when I was finished and went to say goodbye, she was sitting in her room with her roommate by her side watching tv and happy as could be. Her roommate was high functioning and told me not to worry, that she was going to look out for my cousin. She did too. They became best friends. They asked me to avoid visits for 2 weeks and I did. She did great and has been content there ever since. It's amazing how much better they fare when in place that can provide the right level of care. It will be worth it.

Try to bring her favorite things to the new place. And ask the MD about some anti-anxiety meds for the short term. When we moved mom from AL to NH, she seemed to think she was in the same place; we played along with that.

Paperwork before delivery helps. If you can have some of her things from the NH there already, she may make the transition immediately without noticing anything is different. Don't tell her in advance. You need to realize her mental capacity is nearing that of a small child, and you would not purposely stress a child before an event. You also need to think of your departure as if you were leaving your child with a babysitter. Once you make up your mind to leave and say bye, turn your back and go, no matter what. It is better for the patient to think you did not hear her than for her to think you heard her, were tempted to return, but then left anyway. The staff will love on her and make her comfortable.

When we moved my Aunt she was hesitant until the activity director that she loves took her to visit the memory care unit. She loved it.. Kept calling it the cottage. It is small and home like. She loves the ladies that work there, but my aunt is the highest functioning one there.. She refers to the others who live there as zombies and calls them poor things. So I guess it all depends on the personality of the one you are moving. Do it the easiest way to for them.