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Mom is 76. Stroke at 70. Developed Epilepsy at 74. Doing fairly well until hypothermic episode (6 mos ago) when body temp went to 89.9. Now only is 92-95, max. Seizures became monthly, then weekly, each one taking more memory. Just last weekend she was talking, although appetite decreased to a few spoons of soup a day about two weeks ago. Then just refused to get out of bed for 4 days. Last weekend was very agitated with her nursing facility staff, yelling obscenities I've never heard from her. This week didn't eat 3 of 5 days, stopped communicating, just stares. Maybe out of bed 30 mins a day. Hospice is involved but so is the facility and me as POA, I have no clue what's up. She stares with her head down and drools. Very upsetting for me. Developed some type of cough I've never heard two days ago. She is DNR. She always told me she wanted me with her if she passed. She's 20 miles from me. I'm there every day but can't stay ALL the time but would if i knew her condition. Months? Weeks? Days? I've been with her every step from Day One, the stroke, almost 7 years. I've lost 2 jobs. She's just more important. Went from walking, to using Walker, then wheelchair bound 3 years now. I've not missed a monthly care team meeting ever. My gut says something is very wrong, but when I call, she's "sleeping comfortably." Went from cussing up a storm last Sunday to now not saying a word. No bowel movement in 4 days. Low blood pressures and pulse. I don't know when I should start staying with her all night. I just restlessly sleep and check my phone several times a night. So tired and burned out--almost 7 Years now. If I break my final promise to her, to be with her when she passes, I will be devastated. Can a person live a good amount of time on just sips of water and soup broth? It's at least something...

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I hope for your sake that you will be there when your mother dies. After all these years you deserve that final experience with her. But you have already been there with her throughout her decline and the final stage. You have given her what she wanted -- your presence until the end. If you are not there the exact moment of death you have still served her well and fulfilled your promise.

Hospice staff generally know best about the signs of imminent passing, but they cannot be infallible either.
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It may be near the end for your mom. It's impossible to predict when the end will come. It's not realistic to believe or expect you can be there at the exact moment. You have done all you can for her. She would not want you to sacrifice your health for her. She is probably not aware of her surroundings at this point. This is very hard to go through but take care of yourself also.
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