My sister in law (60 & only child) has decided to retire early to care for her 90 year old parents with numerous health issues. Admirable but not. She’s made the decision with “her” understanding my brother and her children will help. My brother has made it clear that her parents need more care then they can provide. Both have dementia and have been in the hospital recently. My brother still works and has to assist with our 95 year old mom. My brother, my niece (30) and nephew (24) are the “ caregivers” - my sister in law directs but never does. She sent her daughter in to get Grandpa up (Grandma was in the hospital) to find he had soiled the bed. That’s hard especially when you didn’t raised your hand for it. Knowing what you can do and doing it is fine but volunteering others to do what you signed up for is not.
My brother and the children help but caring for two 90 year olds with multiple health issues and dementia isn’t easy. My sister in law will not even consider bringing in an aide. Can’t get a straight answer on that. My brother sadly complies as to save the family but he is totally overwhelmed as is my niece and nephew.
I mentioned my 95 year old mom -I’m one of 5 children (most still working and 2 live out of state) 3 years ago we realized to keep mom in her home we needed help- and Mom is in decent health except for her memory. Now we have someone 9-5 Monday- Friday and we take up the slack at night and weekends. We did this because it became overwhelming and that was with 5 of us!! Why doesn’t my sister in law realize that it’s unfair to take on being a health care giver when you’re not doing but only directing?
I don’t think my brother is alone - what can he do ?