My Mom is 79 and has mild to moderate dementia. My brother lives w/ her and works outside the home.. but very on and off he is a painter so when he is between jobs he is there during the day also.
My sister seems to think that Mom if she fell would not be allowed to come home from the hospital unless there was 24hr care or she went to assisted living. I disagree... Mom is capable of staying by herself a couple of hours at a time.
She doesn't wander, doesn't try to cook, we give her showers although she will tell you she can take them on her own- She can't- but she is compliant and does what we tell her to do when we tell her to. She takes care of her dogs by herself (except for picking up the dog doo) she can carry on a conversation with her two girlfriends on the street and walk to their houses to visit.
She is kind, sweet gentle, she does laugh sometimes when we are trying to discuss her limitations (which ticks off my sister and brother)
What I am trying to get to is how do you know when 24 care is required. She is usually alone for only 2-3 hours at a time.
I know my sister is stressed as she works full time, is trying to lose weight (gym everyday after work) so she can have a procedure done, and has two college age boys and her husband at home. I try to tell her it isn't necessary for her to come over every evening ( she lives only 5 min. away) I get that she is stressed but think that she is thinks in catastrophic terms and borrowing trouble.
I do not work as I am on SS disability ( I live 30 min. away) I do have a retired husband - so I have a family but it is easier for me to be there during the day and some Saturdays and Sundays from Noon - 6pm.
I guess what I am saying is I am willing to take on a larger load and I don't think we are there (24hr or assisted living) yet.
I do not think Mom is incompetent - does she forget yes, but she can reason in the moment.
How is incompetency decided?
Mom very much wants to stay in her home and not do assisted living or nursing home. She has some assets to pay for in home care for a few hours a day.
By the way... does medicad pay for in home care?
Sorry to be so long. Just very frustrated and trying to get feedback on whether I am being unrealistic - or living in la la land as my sister says.
I am going to make a appointed with and elder law attorney to look at the family trust and give us advice on how to keep her house (even after she dies) as my brother does live there. But from what I have read the exemption would only count for his percentage of the house. I have so many questions about medicad planning that I think we should all sit down with an attorney
Maybe then my sister would feel assured that somehow she and her husband aren't going to somehow end up financially responsible for Mom. I think that is an underlying fear.
I know this is probably too many topics in one post. But I feel better getting it down on paper and would appreciate feedback and advice.