I have been helping organize care for my mother's husband who has Parkinson's and severely disabled, incontinent, etc. Over time I believe he has become abusive to his caregiver, who I hired through an agency. The poor man has to sleep on the living room floor of a small one bedroom apt, and my mom's husband sits in a chair and stares at him while he sleeps and wakes him whenever he stirs. The agency is only giving him 80 dollars a day for 24hr care which seems criminal to me, but the guy needs the money and doesn't want me to say anything to the agency. My mom has had a stroke so doesn't really realize everything that is going on. My mom's boyfriend gets irate when he doesn't get served and catered to at every moment, and starts demanding that they both "comfort him." Help! What should I do?

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You've taken a kind and compassionate interest in this paid caregiver. In the end, only he can decide if this is worth his time, or if he find a better job. I'm wondering, however, if Social Services should do a welfare check on the whole situation.

If everything is legal and okay, and the caregiver doesn't mind sleeping on the floor (is he there day and night?), then maybe there's nothing you can or should do. If this agency is not a reliable agency, this man may not be qualifed, so only you can decide if this is a good enough situation or not. It sounds miserable for him, but whether it's legal is a big issue here.

If everything is legal and above board with the agency, and the man is happy enough to do this job, and is doing it well, then you maybe can drop the guilt. But I sense something here isn't feeling right to you. Maybe your mom's "boyfriend" is the real issue, or maybe the agency isn't license or in good standing. Good luck, You have a lot to cope with.
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