When I ask his BP reading etc. he always says it was ok but didn't ask for his numbers. He also says I am controlling and do not need to know??

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Lots of separate strands to this thread, but what they add up to is: if your husband doesn't choose to share medical information with you, that's the end of the discussion. For now, anyway.

Refuses to let you talk with medical personnel... do you mean, formally refuses them permission to share information with you? Or, more informally, won't pass the phone to them or ask them to call you or put questions to them that you have asked?

Then turning to the BP reading example: is it more that he can't be bothered and doesn't think the numbers matter especially (he has a point); or that you worry he is keeping significant information from you?

The controlling point: this could mean that he wants you to butt out of his medical care altogether, and he has that right. Or it could mean that he feels tired and annoyed when you put a lot of questions to him that he doesn't agree are important.

This must be very stressful for you, whatever the case. To reset things: ask yourself what you think he *would* like you to do. I don't suppose he wants you to stop caring about his health, not really, not altogether! But if these are things he'd rather leave to his doctor's team and not have to talk or think about too much, it wouldn't be surprising if he found your questions a burden. Maybe there are better ways to support him, at least for the time being.
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Reply to Countrymouse

That's a shame. But you can't help people who don't want your help. I'm sorry. It must feel really awful to have your husband shut you out like that.
Has he chosen a Health care power of attorney? It is a good idea to give that person a general idea of your health so if they need to make decisions for you, they can make informed decisions.
Some people really can't accept that there may come a time when they won't be able to make their own decisions. Have you chosen someone who can speak for you if you can't speak for yourself? If it is your husband, I'd think of a Plan B if I were you.
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Reply to Alicew234

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