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So, I’ve known deep down that dementia was setting in with my 75-year old mother. She’s been thru the wringer in her lifetime and now isn’t any better. I’m a noob as her current full time caregiver and I’m taking care of her because she broke her hip. Her father passed in 2005, COD was listed as “dementia and Parkinson’s”; dementia was inevitable for mom. She is #2 of 4 kids, all girls. Sister #3 was her BFF but she lost her 20-year battle in late 2018 with LMS. The dementia and post-op recovery is manageable...however, the “sundowners” and post-anesthesia memory loss is making it more difficult. Sometimes I feel like I’m chasing after a toddler; having to explain the same things multiple times a day, every day; etc, is pretty hard to watch. Now, throw in the oldest and youngest sisters. They have started to (IMHO) harass her for possessions she has from when their parents passed. She died in 1994 and he died in 2005. Why bring this all up now? Are they just being vultures? What can I do to protect my mom, if anything? The sundowners and PAML could be only temporary, but it could take several months to return. Any help is appreciated! Thx!

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When my dad passed, sibling's were asking for money and some of my dads possessions. I firmly stated mom is still living and it is her money for her living expenses. As far as my dads possessions, mom owns them, once she passes decisions will be made. Through the years one sibling resented me, told me I was stealing his inheritance and we had many disagreements, but I stuck to my original decision. I was close to my brother and disappointed in him, but now relationship is better. I thought my mother was sun downing recently , tested for UTI and negative previous week. Called her neurologist and put her on Ativan. A few days later UTI symptoms and sun downing again, urine culture tested positive, antibiotics 10 days, no signs of sun downing since treatment. Be firm with your sister, you have enough on your plate without added more stress and get your mother teasted for a UTI, if symptoms of sun downing persist. The best to both of you.
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Reply to earlybird
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And...the Sundowning and the PAML may never return, or may not reach the "baseline"
It might be time, if you can not take this on full time for the rest of your moms life, to think about Assisted or possibly Memory Care for her.
I know not a great time to deal with this either. But an important discussion to have with your family.
As for possessions....
Remember 1 big important thing...Actually 2
If mom will need full time care will any of the items be of enough value to help keep her comfortable? Will any of taking items of value impact her if there needs to be an application for Medicaid?
and...
they are "things" Things should not rip families apart but "things" often do. (I consider money a "thing" as well for this conversation)
A wise woman I knew always said "better from a warm hand than a cold heart" when she would give someone an item from her collection of "valuable" trinkets. If your mom can decide now who gets what have her write it down, or if she does not care each of you should be able to put your name on a sticky dot and "claim" items. (Write down who gets what in case the dots fall off in the next 10 years (more or less, who knows) that mom might have left. ) But keep in mind "things are things your family is worth more than "things" or at least it should be.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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