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She won't bathe (sometimes for weeks) without a major battle or leave the house anymore. She has begun accusing us of not feeding her, as we are sitting at the dinner table. She is becoming more and more incontinent and difficult. I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I hate the idea of moving her somewhere, and she's aware to know she's being forced from her home, but she's beginning to need 24/7 care. It kills me to even ask, but she won't let us do the basics

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To help ease the guilt, if a parent is placed in a continuing care facility, they will be around people of their own age group to talk to, thus having a lot of common with each other.... they can have their meals with a variety of different people in the common dining room... look at all the new best friends forever [BFF's] they would make :)

They can go to the various activities and start enjoying their retirement years instead of sitting home alone doing nothing or depending on paid caregivers or their own grown children to help them. Think about it, a continuing care facility would actually offer one's parent MORE freedom.
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I totally understand where you are coming from Betty. Your mother sounds like my mom who lives in my home. I work and have to leave her at home but find I am stressing at work wondering if she is ok. She has a life alert button now so that brings some comfort but I am not sure she should be home alone and I feel guilty. I also feel guilty thinking of putting her in a home!! I think bottom line is daughters always have guilt no matter what are I am sure you are doing all you can do for your mom but as I am finding at some point they might need more than we can give.
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It's the guilt really. I don't want her to feel like she's being taken from her home, but she's becoming more difficult by the day. She won't allow others in the house--when I had my sister, who she adores, take over for a few nights she made her leave, She sleeps through the night--she actually sleeps quite a lot (up to 12-14 hours some nights). She has major memory issues,which worsen each day, but I'm not worried about her leaving the house and getting lost--she won't leave the house for virtually any reason. And she smokes....
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I think it's time for more care when a family member begins to wonder when it's time for more care.
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Betty, what are your mother's medical issues? Mobile issues and/or memory issues? Sounds like there is some memory stuff going on if she is accusing you of not feeding her. Does she sleep through the night or does she roam in the house?

There comes a time where an elder needs another layer of care that we can't do... it is for her own safety and for your own sanity.

Will your Mom allow a paid caregiver to come into the home to help her out? Could she afford to pay someone or maybe two caregivers per day? Or would not be an option as some elders refuse to be helped by "strangers".
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