My 79 year old husband has Parkinson's and dementia. In the last two weeks he has had shingles and now has pneumonia. He was in critical condition. He is in a group facility, they provide excellent care. He has hospice that come once a week and provide medical care. He seems to be making some strides in his recovery. They seemed to be reluctant to administer antibiotics, but I insisted. When will I know when I'm only prolonging his death? I'm exhausted, so afraid I won't be there for him.
Consider his dignity and how to maintain that. His body, either consciously or unconsciously, will decide to stop.
Let the hospice nurses and doctor guide you on what you can do, if anything. Perhaps focus on keeping the room quiet. Place photographs of his loved ones around him. Talk to him--and let him talk, if he’s able--of the wonderful times, your favorite memories with him.
If you’re concerned you’ll not be there when he passes, as others have stated below, it’s common for the loved one to hold on until family members are out of the room. If this does happen, I would consider this his final gift to me and take comfort in that.
So, try to take care of yourself while you perform this sacred task of escorting your husband on his final journey. *hug*
Death is inevitable and we have no control over it. There is One with a MUCH higher power than we have that controls this.
Care for him just as you always have.
Do let him know that you will be alright. That other loved ones will be alright. You will all miss him. If you wish tell him when he meets "XXX" (maybe your mom and dad) to say "Hi" for you.
The Hospice nurse told me that dying is very personal and there are some that will wait to die until their loved ones have left the room, even if it is only to go get a drink, go to the bathroom. Do not feel bad or pressured to be there when he dies. Being there while he is alive is what is important to him and to you.
Continue to tell him that you love him, you miss him.
Days before my Husband died I was sitting next to him and I was crying and it suddenly came to me that my tears were "selfish" ones. He was no longer the man I met, fell in love with. He was a shell of what he was and to want him to remain with me was not fair to him. He no longer laughed, no longer had the sparkling eyes. (crying as I write this...it still hurts although the hurt has changed from raw to an ache or pain that will flare up sometimes unexpected)
Be strong. Hold his hand, tell him you love him.🙏😢