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I thought I could keep him at home forever. But his physical limitations are beginning to worry me. I have been told that an assisted living/memory care facility can not accept someone who cannot stand on their own and help feed themselves. If I miss the window, my only option later would be a nursing home if I cannot care for him adequately.

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Thank you all for your helpful comments and advice. I plan to get assessment done very soon so that I can know at least where I stand with the facilities in my area. Blessings to you all!
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First, hugs to you Jacksonsmimi. It is really stressful and disappointing to face the possibility of not being able to provide sufficient care for a spouse.

It is your husband's physical limitations that are beginning to worry you, right? In that case it may be that a nursing home environment is (will be) the most suitable. I decided I would care for my husband at home as long as he "only" needed assisted living. I could assist him, with other help. If he needed a higher level of care I would find an appropriate care center. As it happened, he was able to remain at home. We had the same approach for our mother. She lived with my sister as long as she was at the "assisted living" care level. When her physical needs exceeded that we moved her into a nursing home. She had a hard time adjusting and they considered moving her to their memory care unit, but she settled down and was content there for the remaining 2 years of her life. We were glad that she didn't have to go to the memory care unit, as the social interaction there would be limited. (Most of the residents had severe dementia symptoms.) Mom made friends in the NH.

How do you know when it is time? That is really more about you than about your husband. What level of care can you/are you willing to provide? What additional help can you bring into your home? At some point you may be more helpful to your husband as his visiting wife and his advocate than as his hands-on caregiver.

I agree with the posters who suggest a needs assessment, either now or when you are starting to look at options.

Again, hugs. Hang in there!
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Rules vary not only state by state but facility by facility. I had my Mom in AL Memory care and she stayed there til the end. There were residents in wheel chairs, bed bound patients and half the place was on hospice. Call ALL of the facilities near you to learn about their rules.
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I agree about getting a needs assessment. I suppose the rules vary by state. In my state regular AL requirements are different from Special Unit Memory Care. In MC, the resident is allowed to remain for their life, even if they are bedbound and on hospice, as long as they don't require skilled nursing care. I'd visit a few and see what you think would work for him.
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I think that different AL/Memory care facilities have different rules. There of course State Licensing requiements, but those very from state to state.

In Connecticut, a person who is a two person assist can be in AL. In NYS, right next door, you must be in a NH if you need 2 people to move you.

The AL we wanted mom in didn't take patients with dementia diagnoses; the one up the street was happy to admit her.

You really should start out with a Needs Assessment from the local Area Agency on Aging or Human Services department. From there, you investigate specific facilities to find out if they can meet his needs.
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