When is the right time to talk to my mom about a POA?

NOW. While she is competent.

There are simple POAs and more complicated POAs. You want durable POAs, both medical and financial. And you definitely want her to arrange for advanced directives. If you are the POA agent you stand in the shoes of your mother, the principle. In very simple terms, you act for her when she can't act. Make sure all her providers and care facilities have copies. Locate her will or have one drafted. Meet with an elder-care attorney as soon as you can. A consultation should not cost too much.

I think all adults should have a POA and ensure their medical directives are crystal clear. My father said he didn't want to prolong his life with any "heroic" or intrusive actions. Thankfully he did as I had to make the decision to refuse a feeding tube which would have prolonged his life, but wasn't something he wanted.

Being POA typically means you will be making medical and financial decisions for your loved one. Personally, I think you need to also have medical directives as POA documents don't always identify your wishes. I think without medical directives people try to keep their loved ones alive at all costs. Even if the outcome results in a low quality of life and this isn't what many people want.

I am of the opinion that all adults need to have their POAs in place. but many do not.

I am a Financial Planner and the vast majority of clients do not have up to date Wills, do not realize that POAs are or have out of date documents. The ones that do are in the military. Members are strongly encouraged to have all their end of life documents up to date.

I updated my will and POAs when I was 50, after my divorce. I will be updating them again before I am 60.

I've heard disagreement and disharmony in families when several children of different opinion had to make the decisions for the elder without a POA. So I agree there's never a time too early for POA as anything could happen that leads to mental incapacity. Picking the right party to execute is the most important part.

Have the discussion now, because a living will has no legal value. It's no more than a written version of a person's wishes, but if there's no one designated to carry them out, chances are those wishes will be ignored.

So if it *were* your decision to make in your mother's best interests, what would you do?

If she gave you medical power of attorney, it would be your decision if she were no longer able to make it. That would be your responsibility. If you feel you wouldn't want it, is there anyone else who would be prepared to take it?

Your mother's medical team can ask her if there is anyone she wants to nominate to make decisions on her behalf. If she says yes, they can help her fill in the right forms. If she says no, they will act in her, their patient's, best interests taking any living will or directive into account.

This is just my opinion, but it is never too early to early to designate a medical power of attorney. Simply put, a medical power of attorney is a legal document that lets you give someone legal authority to make decisions about your medical care. (For example, if you are her POA and your mother is unable to communicate that she does not want dialysis, and you're aware those are her wishes, you would make the decision to decline the dialysis.)

Though I am healthy and not yet a senior, I had my lawyer draw up both my financial power of attorney and my medical power of attorney. Who knows, tomorrow I could be hit by a car and end up in a coma.

The time is now to get POA (there are two kinds - medical and financial and both are fairly easy to get with your mom's ok). It allows you to sign things when she is no longer able to. So sorry you have to make tough decisions - this forum is great for advice and insight. The section covering POA or other topics relevant to your questions is a great resource (tap the 3 bars by aging care at top.) Prayers for you and your mom 🌷