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My fiancee 's elderly 81 year old Father insists on paying his own bills.The problem is he "hoards" his mail, and then forgets to pay the bill.Then gets mad when he has too pay them all at once. He then goes on this rampage trying to get money out of us (yes,we live with him.) We pay all food and personal items, and $400 a month.I work as his caregiver. How do I get his boys aware that they need to assist him?

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Abf1202, Windyridge has a good point, what will the father be like in the next 4 or 5 years? Are you getting paid for this work? Do you like doing this work? Not everyone is cut out to be a hands-on caregiver, I know I wasn't.... so Dad hired caregivers to come in to help him.

And don't let the boys feel that because you are a woman that you need to be the caregiver. Not in today's world.

Oh, regarding the boys.... are these fellows your financee's brothers or his sons? Depending on their age, there should be some type of chore they can help out with.
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This guy lives with you so what bills does he have? Also, you should intercept the mail and get his bills out and toss some if not all the junk mail.

I agree with others, your fiancé and bros need to step up to the plate, get poa and get their ducks in a row and deal with this. You think it's tough now, think what this guy will be like in 4 or five years.
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Sign him up for direct withdrawal, then he can still be in charge of checking his statements without anyone worrying about the consequences of missed payments.
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When is the right time to take over your parents finances? When you find that your parent isn't paying attention to the bills. Sounds like right now will be a good time.

Your profile says that your fiancee 's Dad has mobility problem, so he may feel he is able to control his own finances since there doesn't seem to be any memory issues except general age decline.

My elderly Dad [90+] use to throw the bills into recycling thinking those envelopes were junk mail. Thank goodness his caregiver saw this and called me. But my Dad was more then happy for me to take over all of his financials just as long as he was still in the loop seeing statements.
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Start getting your ducks in a row now. Make sure either you or your fiancée has Power of Attorney. Go through his paperwork and sort out the bills from the trash. I’ve also read in this site that some people have given their parent a “dummy”checkbook.

I would keep records of everything you have paid for—receipts, cancelled checks, etc. and, I wouldn’t try to force “the boys”into doing anything. If they’re forced, they won’t take the initiative and really do much of anything. As a last resort, you could always quit as Dad’s caregiver and find a place of your own. Then his sons would have to step up.
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Have you talked with your fiancée about this? What does he say? You better start keeping receipts of anything you buy that involves his care,the next thing you know he will start to accuse you of stealing.Protect yourself. Start calling these other boys of his and stay on them. Has your fil been screened for dementia? Somebody needs power of attorney for your father.I would stay on your fiancees' back and the other boys until someone steps up or the next thing you know they will be looking at you to take care of their dad and if he has dementia his behavior will only get worse. Don't let yourself get trapped. Make your boundaries clear, this is their Dad not yours.
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