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My mom is 99 and has refused to go into any kind of asst. care. She has dementia and it's getting worse. I'm her primary care giver and gave her the option to get in home care or go into a facility. I gave up a job and home to care for her but didn't realize how hard it would be. She has no medical issues so she isn't nursing home material. So when do you insist on putting your parents in a facility, how bad or needy do they have to be?

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Thank you for your thoughts. She has not been diagnosed with dementia, her Dr. just says she's 99. I do have a POA, I'm the only sibling still alive, so I've been trying to get everything in order. Her will had to be re-written and I've been added to her accounts. I feel I have all that covered, I've only been here 6 months, but now in a position that I need to live here financially. The reason I'm here, is she had a bad fall in June, I should have never moved here, I should have let her go from rehab to care. I didn't realize how bad her memory was. The family that checked on her just expressed she was getting worse.
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Chumlay this is a pretty common situation certainly among aregivers on the forum. So hopefully you will get some more ideas.
Has she been formally diagnosed with dementia and declared incompetent? Do you have POA financial and health. if none of those things are in place she certainly has the right to refuse, so like many others you have to wait for the big event to occur when she has no choice because you will refuse to tke her home from the hospital. As you are iving with her and as long as this has been your primary residence for at least 2 years Medicaid will probably allow you to stay in the house as long as you live if that's any consolation. Have you talked to Elder Care in your area. they often have helpful suggestions and certainly know all the rules. An Elder aCare attorney would also be helpful if you can afford that. unfortunately there is no easy solution to your problem and I assume you are not young either.
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Chumlay1, my Mom also refused caregivers or moving to Independent Living, she was also in her late 90's. Dad had more common sense, he would be packing in a New York minute to move into senior living but first putting a For Sale in the front yard.

As many of us had to do, wait for a medical emergency.... where Mom goes to the ER, into the hospital, then into rehab, and finally into Assisted Living if your Mom can budget the cost, or into a Nursing Home being paid by Medicaid.

I had to wait for that to happen with my own Mom :( It was a major fall that forced her to live in long-term-care as she needed a very high skill care. She could no longer make any decisions for herself.
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Oh, hon, dementia IS a health issue!! Also, being 99 is one.

She IS nursing home material-goodness---with the dementia, how can she make a decision for herself that is sound?

Actually, time is going to solve this situation for you. Nobody lives forever.

The big question really is: How much longer can YOU take it? If you quit a job to take care of her, then she is ready for 24/7 care.
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Oh Chumlay1,
There really isn't an answer to this question. I think it all boils down to how much longer YOU can take it. My Mom also has dementia. She lives in her own house still but I go there twice a day for pill dispensing. I too am at the end of my rope. I'm just waiting for a fall. The other day she cut right thru the box of Velveeta and ate a chunk! Maybe this comment will bump this question up and you will get a "real" answer! Hang in there.
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