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I currently live with a daughter but she works full time, coming home at noon for lunch. Otherwise, I am alone the rest of the day. I can tell the AD is getting worse and am beginning to feel uncomfortable being alone with no assistance during the day.

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Reply to bronwynb
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There are many signs that are directly related to the activities that shows that your loved one need assisted living. I have heard about the memory care Morris NJ http://jchcorp.org/memory-care-morris-county-nj/ where your loved one having dementia will feel better. They can there get compassionate care by the experts of the memory care facility.
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Reply to fannie123
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Edie, it sounds like AL would be a big help to you even right now. You might also check out some facilities in your area owned by Holiday Retirement. They own facilities nationwide. My mom lives in one here. It's technically considered independent living but is set up much more like AL, and has home health on site that can administer medications and help with other things like bathing, etc if needed for an additional fee.

The apartments are all in one building and the rent includes weekly housekeeping, 3 meals daily and they have activities on and off site as well as buses to and from the store and doctor appts on designated days. It's basically the benefits of AL for a cheaper price.

It sounds like a community like that would help you to feel more at ease, and you would have staff and other residents around as well so you wouldn't feel so alone. It is awesome that you are thinking of this and planning ahead. Make your wishes known now both verbally and in writing so that they can continued to be carried out further down the road.
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Reply to FrazzledMama
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Edie,
I do not know what is available in your area, but two more ideas:
First, an adult day care program would mean you could continue to live with your daughters but be somewhere during the day to be with folks your own age.
Second, if you want to be in an adult facility, see if there is a "stay in place" facility where you can live in the same apartment whether you need independent or assisted living; the care level changes with your needs. The only thing they do not provide is lock down for AD when people wonder.
Good luck to you! So, great you are planning for yourself.
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Reply to Judysai422
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edie75019 Oct 7, 2018
Thanks for your input - suggestions I will consider.
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Edie...
It is fascinating reading questions FROM someone with dementia. I always wished my Husband would talk to me about his fears but he never did. So I thank you for some insight.
As well as agreeing with the reply from TNtechie I think you should contact a few places that you think might be a good fit for you then arrange a tour. Tell your daughter that you have arranged the tours and that you want her to go with you. It might also be possible when you have narrowed it down to 1 or 2 places to ask if you can "try on" the community for a few days to a week and see if it fits your lifestyle. I am sure they would accommodate this for a slight fee.
I would also look into a community that will go from independent living to assisted and to memory care.
If you can function well now but just do not like being alone during the day Independent living might be perfect for you now, you still have a building and people that you can socialize with and you can take meals in a community dining room or in your apartment. Or just go right into assisted living. But do you currently need the help that AL would provide?

And getting off track but important...do you have all your papers in order? POA's?, advanced directives?, will?,trusts if any? P.O.L.S.T. or D.N.R?
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Reply to Grandma1954
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edie75019 Oct 7, 2018
Thanks Grandma - very helpful suggestions.
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I would explain to your daughter that you don't feel comfortable alone at home. My LO tried to tell me, but, she didn't know what was happening and at the time, I didn't either. She would get scared, anxious and worried. She really needed me to be there for support, but, I couldn't since I had to work.

I think that exploring AL is a good idea. Also, you could check out day programs. Some ALs have them and you could stay there, while your daughter is at work. At least ask her to help you explore the options.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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Its time if you can afford it. An AL runs about 5k a month or more depending on where u live and the assistance u need. Now would be a good time because the AL will feel more like home as your AD progresses. You will get a large room (some have aparts). You will be able to have a bedroom set. Set up a sitting area. Maybe have a small table to sit and eat. A lg bath and a kitchenette. You can have your meals in a dining room. Make new friends. Have activities, outtings. Moms AL had a church service and people coming in and having little concerts.

I heard an aide at Mom's AL say "they brought him too late" They were talking about a new resident who kept trying to get out. Could not sit and was on the go all the time. His family had kept him home too long and now he couldn't adjust to a strange place. So you looking ahead and realizing you need more is really great.

Tell your daughter what you said here. Have her make appts at different ALs. Consider cost and the ratio of aides to residents. Check out the laundry facilities and ask how ur laundry will be done. ALs usually do residents laundry alone but on certain days. The one I liked we toured had magnets for each resident. When they put the residents laundry in, the magnet was put on the washing machine, when it went to the dryer so did the magnet. Out of the dryer in the basket with the residents name on it. No mix up on clothes. If ur capable of doing ur own, they may allow it.

One more thing. You will do better with your AD if you keep active. Keep the mind active. Try different things. I read if you brush your teeth with your right, use your left. The brain makes a new pathway. Try those mind games. You may want to try an Adult Senior Center. Moms picked her up at 8 left her off at 2:30. The driver brought her right to her door. She had breakfast and lunch there. They have outings and activities. People to talk to. I had Mom go 3x a week because of the cost. If a person is low income, Medicaid may help with the cost.

Good luck and come back and tell us how things work out.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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edie75019 Oct 7, 2018
Thanks JoAnn - very helpful suggestions. Cost of ALZ homes is very frightening.
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Edith, Since this question is very similar to a question you posted a couple of weeks ago, I'm wondering if you have discussed how uncomfortable you feel alone with your daughter? Could you show your daughter these posts? Maybe that would be one way to open the conversation with your daughter?

If you're this uncomfortable being alone then you and your daughter need to explore adult day care, a companion to join you in your home, or moving to assisted living so you are not left alone.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/when-is-the-time-to-place-an-alzheimers-patient-in-an-assisted-living-home-442651.htm
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