My husband and I are primary caretakers for his 93 year old grandmother. We had her in an assisted living and were not happy with her care. She has dementia and in the past year she has entered late stages, bowel and urine incontinent, very few “good” days. On those good days she says she is tired and ready to go and “no one should have to live this long, everything hurts” she was very clear prior to her onset that if she got like her brother (who also had dementia) she did not want her life prolonged. Other than the dementia, anxiety (probably depression), limited mobility, very poor eyesight she doesn’t have any serious medical conditions. She has started to refuse food and we are torn on how to handle this. If we coax her she will eat, she will follow basically any directive we give her but it’s a bite by bite instruction and she repeats she is not hungry and not interested at least one meal day, sometimes two. On the one hand we feel her body is starting to shut down and this is a normal part of the process and we need to respect it, on the other we want to ensure we are taking the best possible care of her. We also have some outside help a few times a week home health, PT and an LVN all under oversight of an RN. They monitor her weight, we haven’t felt comfortable having this convo with them. I am fearful if we allow her to refuse food she will start to lose weight and they will call APS. Has anyone been in this position? I’m morally and ethically torn...thanks in advance for any experiences or guidance.