Follow
Share

Mom says she likes the idea of daycare but soon after reverses decision.

Find Care & Housing
my husband’s day program shut down due to Covid, but it was wonderful. I don’t call it day care because most of the time he doesn’t understand or remember he’s got dementia and he’d be insulted. He only went 2 days a week and often objected to going. He calls it “school”. I didn’t pay any attention to his reluctance to going most days because I knew he had a great time while he was there. I knew that because he was always in a fabulous mood and was almost always actively engage in an activity with other participants when I came to pick him up. The director was shocked when I told her he usually gave me a hard time about going. She said he was always so happy and smiling and was like their ambassador when someone new came. She said he’d take the new person under his wing and show them around. She assumed he looked forward to coming. Nope. He’d MUCH rather lie on the couch. Haha
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Mrsrubee
Report
Sw8Heart Sep 17, 2020
Do you know of any adult day care center like this close to Long Beach CA?.
(0)
Report
Do not take her out...get with the person who "runs it" and she will help your mother "adjust". The daycare is a place where she can do "what she used to do". It is not a "strange new experience" of activities she may not be interested in.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to DKelso34
Report

I put my husband in his last year before moving to another area where I could put him in an established facility and be nearer to my son and family.
It got to where I couldn't shop anymore myself, couldn't leave him alone, had to keep eye on him that he didn't unlock the doors and walk away, etc. He refused to eat at home, but liked to socialize with waitresses or waiters, so we had 2 meals out at least 4 times a week, and leftovers from those meals the other days, if he would eat. I felt I need a break. A new facility opened with day care and I decided to try it.
I started with 3 hours, went shopping and returned to pick him up. When there was a luncheon in our housing complex, I went to the luncheon, bringing him to adult day care before the lunch.
Adult day care consisted of breakfast, games, coloring, music on Friday afternoon with an entertainer, either records, in person guitar player, singer from records/tapes, etc. I attended a few times with him and he liked it. After the show, I took him home or out to eat again. He refused any food I cooked, and as I wasn't cooking as much, I forgot how to cook our favorite meals.
Adult care also served lunch, then nap time, sitting on the sofa or walking the rooms, or games. They did coloring. I still have several of the pictures he colored, stayed in the lines, and was creative with the coloring. They were always busy. Mostly I left him stay at least 4 hours, maybe 6 if I had luncheon and shopping. The day care counselor told me he looked out the window most of the time, looking for me and even tried to get out the door, but they had security locks and no way to get out without a counselor handling the lock. The facility held "Senior Prom Night" where we had a nice light meal, music from a recorder with vocalist, hand made corsages for women and boutonniere for men, they asked us to "dress up" . Some of the men or women patients even got up to dance. They played and sang music from our era, 50's, 40's 60's. One of the family members, a woman who was with her grandmother, asked me to dance the Twist and we got a lot of clapping, as the Twist was popular in early 60's, and fit in with the age of the people attending this "prom". Even some male patients got up to dance.
On a another note, the Caregiver Support Coordinator for the County Area on Aging, told us that when she married for the 2nd time at age 43, her husband was 47. In their second year of marriage at age 49, he developed early onset Alzheimers. She nursed him, worked full time jobs as her title states, and every day she dropped him off at Adult Day Care, for about 19 years. He never fussed about going, he helped the counselor set up chairs, hand out papers, pick up cards when games were over, every morning he told her he had to get ready for "work". He didn't understand he had memory loss, he had to go to his job, every day. For CaregiverL response : the adult day care I took my husband to did not require continenance they took people with such problems.
I'm glad I took my husband to day care. It helped him not be so attached to me, and it helped me just set back, go to lunch with a friend, read a book, make family phone calls, and do grocery shopping without him stumbling along. Some of the people attending day care were in-patients, as well, in wheel chairs.
I hope this helped the requester of "adult day care".
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnne80
Report
DKelso34 Aug 26, 2020
That is a super example of an outstanding day care
(0)
Report
My daughter worked in an adult daycare when she was in graduate school. It ran a lot like daycare for kids with some opportunities for music, arts and crafts, meals, etc. and many of the clients because friends. There were two elderly women who were best friends and stayed together all the time and held hands. Both had dementia. They talked and laughed all day. Neither one of them spoke they other one's language. One spoke Mandarin, one spoke Spanish, neither spoke English.

For the families of these clients it allowed them to continue to have jobs and lives because, just like day care for kids, their loved ones were well taken care of. Your mom is probably just like a little kid who likes the idea of kindergarten but will cry the first time she's dropped off. New things are hard and especially hard when you feel vulnerable and you don't really know how things are going to work. Arrange for her to spend some time at the daycare center and get to know the staff and meet some people and I imagine she'll settle right in. It needed be for more than an hour or two to start but at least she can get a feel for it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to jkm999
Report

If she has dementia & is immobile then adult day care doesn’t make sense. They wouldn’t be able to take care of her. She has to be able to walk & toilet herself. Hugs 🤗
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to CaregiverL
Report
Grandma1954 Aug 25, 2020
My Husband had dementia and he wore pull up type briefs for the incontinence and there was not a problem with Day Care until he tried leaving and once got on the wrong bus and they had a difficult time getting him off the bus.
(0)
Report
There are lots of people in the Support Groups that I have attended that say their loved one puts up a fuss going but they always seem to enjoy it.
So I would encourage her to go even if she puts up a fuss about it. She will meet people, get some social stimulation..we all need that now days!
It will provide some structure to her week.
If you are caring for her it will give you a break of several hours that she is gone.
And if gives her a break from you.
With dementia routine is important and this will become a routine for her. The earlier that Adult Day Care begins the better.
It is also another set of eyes that may detect a decline before you may be ready to admit is happening. (I hope that makes sense since we sometimes make excuses for a slip up that may happen.)
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

Your mom may get caught up in the moment when she hears you discussing the daycare, and when the time comes to go, she “chickens out”. You don’t say how far along in dementia your mom is, but she may not even remember the discussion you’ve had with her regarding the daycare. If you do get her to go, offer to stay with her “for a while” until she’s comfortable. Too much discussion about it with her beforehand will prompt her to continually change her mind.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report
Sprocket9 Aug 24, 2020
Mom is lost frequently at night, some days a lot of confusion, time is distorted and most of the time short term memories like yesterday gone but distant memories are a lot of fun for both of us. Some days years ago like yesterday. Thanks
(1)
Report
Get out of the house, mingle talk with others, go on outings, Give them something to look forward to. Eating.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to shad250
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter