When healthcare professionals are rude/insensitive?

Doesn't sound like it's anyone from the hospital to me. Probably home health nurse? Also sounds like your parents need assisted living or daily home health.

Usually when someone is released from a hospital, if they refuse rehab "in home" will be set up for therapy. In my experience, u will hear from them way before ten days. Mom got home from the hospital early afternoon on a Thurs and they called me not 2 hrs later asking to admit her on Friday. I said no because she had come back to my home and I and she needed a few days to adjust and get some kind of schedule going. Monday would be better.

You really need to watch how you talk to these people. They think that children should do the care no matter what their life is like or the pressure they are under. Sometimes better to just listen to what they say and take out if it what you want/need.

I agree that its time to place your parents.

Call the Patient Advocate at the hospital and see if they can cut through the red tape to figure out which agency
And how to get her onto rehab, pronto

It's seems obvious to me that neither your father or stepmom should be living on their own any longer. Time to be looking for the appropriate facility for them to move to. Perhaps this nurse instead of making you feel bad, can assist you in finding the right place for them. Best wishes.

Good lord. I had back surgery -- pretty minor stuff, too -- when I was about 45 years old, and it took eight weeks before I was able to do everything I used to do.
"Bouncing back" at 81 will take months, and frankly, she'll never bounce back to where she was.

I agree that a higher level of care and probably a rehab place is the best bet this soon after surgery, especially if she's in a lot of pain. You can't control that, and your folks are just plain scared.

I was puzzled until I realized that your mother apparently was sent home directly from the hospital, the visiting nurse was not from a home care agency of which you or your mother agreed,  and that apparently your mother had no before returning home? 

I totally support Barb's suggestion.  I can't imagine anyone having surgery, especially for a back, and not spending the allowed Medicare time in rehab; it's a major step forward to returning home.

Was this a small hospital in a rural area? 

As to your question to Maple on determining which agency sent this individual, she should have left either a card, or a small packet of information on the plan, including a signature sheet agreeing to her treating your mother.   I've never yet worked with any agency that didn't provide the relevant documentation to get started, authorize treatment, include a calendar and other basic information.

I always made sure to be with my father on the first day of home care, and make sure we got all that relevant information.   The visiting nurse was amiss in her duties if she didn't provide this data.

Call the surgeon's practice. She needs to be admitted to rehab, now.

That is an indication that they need a higher level of care.

Call back and ask how to make that happen.

I’m sorry. That STINKS.

Is your SM on hospice? My mom’s palliative care nurse handles that stuff for me now.

I would call the agency and request a different visiting nurse
Explain that the two of you just don't click, and you would like to have someone a bit more supportive.