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This may be a losing battle (finding it easier to pick those these days), but I was wondering if anyone had run into this.


Dad hasn't kept his hair cut short in years. Instead, he got stuck in the era of the doo-wap "Conk" (Think James Brown or Johnny Mathis) and has worn his hair slicked back with a ton of pomade or hair grease for YEARS. Dad's hair is already straight, so thankfully the doesn't need to chemically straighten it.


This hairstyle requires a lot of work for anyone, but my heart breaks when I observe him completely breathless after a hair styling session (he won't let me help him). In addition, he has completely lost a sense of what a reasonable amount of product is, so he ends up glopping this sticky, greasy goop onto his hair which ends up looking like a greasy mess. He then has trouble "tying up" his hair (translation: covering with a silk scarf overnight) because he's lost a lot of feeling in his hands.


I've learned that I can't change him (the old me would have tried to convince him to cut his hair short), so what can I do to NOT worry about it. It's HIS hair, but it looks bad, and he gets so out-of-breath trying to maintain this style that probably should have NEVER been fashionable!! HAHAHA!

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BuzzyBee,
Although a terrific suggestion, I have a lovely wide brimmed hat I got for her quite a while ago, it’s in almost new condition because of her refusal to wear it. It messes with her hair-do you see? I even asked her dermatologist to say his opinion about her wearing the hat and he whipped out his prescription pad and wrote in all caps, “WEAR YOUR HAT!” She won’t, I give. Now she is having reoccurances of scabbing on the top of her head because she is scratching with her thumbnail and it has become a totally unconscious behavior. She thinks it’s the hairdresser’s fault when I have seen her scratching so many times. We have another appt with the dermatologist next month, I will address it with him and see if he has any good options to get her to stop. Not sure if it’s possible. Always something!
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My mother went gray early, and has dyed her hair ever since. The color is a discreet medium brown --- very dull. I have suggested to her that she consider letting her hair go natural, because it's a truly gorgeous silver. She says she doesn't want to look like an old lady. She's 97.
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Rainey69 How about a wide brimmed hat? The same style worn by that gorgeous film star (as much about flattering as you can hehehe :) )
There is one on Amazon. Found here might help.

amazon.com/Creamy-Color-Sunhats-Floppy-Brimmed/dp/B06XG9YT81/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1518399436&sr=8-7&keywords=audrey+hepburn+hat

Good Luck
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Buzzybee,
I know what your talking about, I have gotten some cool ones for when I work out in the garden in the summer, I have that frightening white skin that is just skin cancer waiting to happen. I got my “doo rags” on Etsy, they are great. I don’t think I could ever convince Mom to do that though, I have a hard enough time getting her to wear a hat in the garden, “don’t want to possibly mess up her lovely locks” skin cancer is so much more preferable! 😉
She has me to thank for finding melanoma on her bicept very early and I had it removed before it ever got a foothold. Since she was an RN, she taught me about melanoma and how to identify it. In a way, she saved her own butt by telling me because by the time she got it, her dementia was too advanced for her to look at it and notice with concern. Dermatologist was blown away I knew what it was. 
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How about a bandanna (sounds more manly than scarf)
If you check out this site hoorag.com/mens-bandanas/ then look at the MANLY pictures on the right, about half way down page. :) Show him a few. He might like some (or any of them) Good luck
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Mom spends over 200 a month on her still colored hair. Talk about refusing to accept ones age! She has always been a ridiculously vain woman. Learned from her mother however my Grandma did let her hair go gray. I think I was the first female in that line of woman to be happy with my natural face and now graying hair. I shrug, not my money, makes her happy so I don’t get involved other than being her taxi to and fro and writing a check. 🤷‍♀️
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Glad you csn laugh, Tiny! It makes all of this much easier!
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Thanks everyone! I'm letting this one go!

I will definitely see if I can get someone with "the same equipment" involved. I never thought of that aspect... MEN!!! HAHAHA!

...and the dad with bangs... LOL!!! That made me think of the good old Beatles bowl cut.

You can't make this stuff up!!!
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i'm in the same boat except it's my mom. she wants to go get her hair done every other week or so, but it's so thin i'm afraid she's overdoing it. i've tried convincing her to get a shorter style, but she's convinced she can wear it in a bun if her arthritic fingers would let her style it. she can't really do much with it because it is so thin. i can't go comb her hair everyday (live too far away). i thought it looked nice in a hair net with a pretty clip and told her it looked nice but i guess she didn't like it.
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Oh, Tinyblu, your description brought up some fond memories of my dad and his hair. My dad was the opposite of yours. He liked his hair short, but not too short. It would irritate him when his hair touches his neck. Every time I cut his hair, he looked like a girl. I only know how to do girl's haircuts - bangs, etc... Yep, Dad had bangs. He was bedridden and couldn't see for himself. Then finally nephew came and gave him a military haircut. When I came home, my dad was sitting up with this wide smile. Proud of his new haircut. He asked me how did it look. In my head, he looked Awful!!! I lied through my teeth and said it was a great haircut... And so, my nephew regularly came over and gave dad his military haircut that made him look so awful...

The thing is, my dad never really wanted me to cut his hair that short. But with my nephew, it was totally okay - because it's a guy's viewpoint on how good looking the haircut is to another guy. {rolling eyes} I totally agree with everyone here. It has to be a third party person to be able to persuade your dad to improve/make changes with his hair.
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Your description of his hairstyle is priceless! Aw, good old Johnny Mathis. It makes me smile to think of it! I get your concern but I hope there is some way he can keep this style going that he obviously loves and feels comfortable in. Could a neutral third party helper help kind of, I don't know, de-goop it a little bit for him during the day? I also like the idea of a shower cap or loose fabric cap that doesn't need tying for the hair, too, for nighttime.
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You got me with 'doo-wap "Conk" --I'm afraid I got a chuckle out of it. Thanks for the post.
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Would a shower cap be any easier to put on than the scarf he uses to tie up his hair? That's the only suggestion I have. My mom got perms until the end - a lot of work but it was so important to making her feel good. Could you take him to a barber every so often to get his hair taken care of by a professional? My dad enjoyed any kind of pampering like that.
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My mom is 90 and is in SNF and has Dementia still gets her perms. I can’t tell her otherwise..makes her happy
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Leave it alone. His choice. If anything, ask the girls at his Al to offer to get him to the Barber Shop for a differnt, easier to maintain style. YOU should leave it alone.
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