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They may come around once a month. should I be asking for help? I feel I don't need to ask they do nothing I am by my self taking care of my paralyzed husband taking care of a house by myself inside and out it really angers me they never ask is there anything I can do for you around the house nothing. very sad.

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Clueless and they really don't want to know lest they feel some guilt. Family from out of state recently asked, a few months back, if my 4 sisters help me with mom? I told the truth quite calmly and devoid of anger. Told them they don't help & they don't even call. Months go by without any contact. I have asked for help. I was then labeled "a victim" & just put her in a home if you can't do it. I stopped asking. I am oldest of 5 girls. I am 64 & not in the best health. Well those out of state relatives must have said something about how I was only person caring for mom! God forbid "other people" knew the truth. Suddenly my one sister gives me off for 4-5 hours one week day & she bathes mom. The others call now & then to see if I need anything. When my mother moves on, to her well earned rewards, I will not be involved in a relationship with any of them. Doubt that it will matter to them. My advice is to do all you can on your own. Look elsewhere for help & when family comes around be honest in relating your disappointment in your cry for help not being heard by your own flesh & blood. People don't realize that the smallest things they can manage to do for you means so so much! I hope you have friends who are available to you! I thank God for mine. Oh & if my sisters were to see me writing on this site they would go insane! I have kept my sanity thanks to the good people that contribute here! You are in my prayers! God sees all you do! Blessings to you!
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This is a constant theme on these boards. I don't know why some families can pull together and care for aging parents, some can't. In my case, 3/5 sibs simply will not step up. They come for the "drama"-otherwise, they are MIA. I've talked until I'm blue in the face and finally gave up. They care, they just don't want to be involved.
Mother lives with one brother, until a recent falling out, I was going to her place 2-3 times a weeks to clean, run errands, do general stuff she can't do. Now nobody is doing it and I hear her place is a wreck. Well, she shouldn't have told me to get lost.
In fairness, I will get over this and I will go back and do what I can for Mother. She is not really hard to get along with, but all she wants to talk about is the sibs who DON'T visit, what are they up to? and her few friends and their lives. She has no interest in me or my family, never really has. Sadly, I'm the "least favorite" and so she can dump on me. I think the other sibs just have never had her on the radar, so to speak. She NEVER initiates calls, for one thing, she expects everyone else to call HER. And they don't. They were all really, really shocked by how much her general health has declined since they saw her 8 months ago at a family function. (This was at Christmas). Clueless is the word, for sure.
WHY do some family never help out? If we could answer that, we would have the solution to 90% of the problems on this board. If everyone took a turn or a piece of responsibility, there wouldn't be so many burned out, depressed caregivers!
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I just wanted to add you hit it right on the head most people are clueless they go on with their life like nothing has changed how sad. thanks again
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When it comes to helping out some people are clueless and have to be asked out-right. Other people look the other way, hoping they won't be asked but will help if they are asked. Then there is the golden few that say "what can I do?" Try asking for specific tasks to be accomplished on those once a month visits. If that doesn't work you might have to hire out as Pamstegma suggested. You never know who in your neighborhood might be willing to do some work for a reasonable price. When my parents still lived in their house we paid an able bodied, older neighbor to put my parents garbage cans on the curb and wheel then back at the end of garbage day - he only charged $5, and well worth saving me from having to drive over and do it. Pamstegma - $20 to cut the grass?!!! How times have changed - I use to get $5 bucks in my youth to do both front and back yards!
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Hire a housekeeper once a week for 2 hours. I did, best move I ever made. I pay her $40 which is a LOT less than hiring an agency. Find a kid in the neighborhood who cuts the grass for $20. All told this will cost you about $200 a month, which is a lot cheaper than a senior apartment.
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