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My dad passed away almost 3 years ago. It was emotionally devastating! He was the caretaker of my mom. So essentially my wife moved in with my mom. We only live 1 mile away. At this time we really learned how abusive my mom can be. In addition, no one else from family helped, and they actually tried to sabotage us taking care of mom. After 1 1/2 years of this, we stopped taking care of mom. What did she do (under influence of daughter), went to a lawyer and threatened to sue us for stealing. This went on for over six months and finally I filed for guardianship. After spending a great deal of money, mom has an independent guardian. In addition, I had to pay my mom money in the settlement agreement for guardian. (there was a question about assets left to me from my dad, so I settled instead of fighting - cheaper option)


So now mom does not even know she is in her own house or sometimes who I am. But her abuse still comes through. She will say things to other people (usually bad things about me) to gain sympathy. Now since she does not recognize me - she will do this in front of me. So I have a decision - no more! I will not go see her anymore. Her abuse will no longer be tolerated even if she has lost most of her mental capability.


I have heard things like "the only reason you visited with me every night is because you live close" or "You are the reason that I don't get along with my daughter" or "If you don't take care of me I'll spend your inheritance" etc etc etc....


She is so mean to her caregivers. Yells and screams. I think her true inner self is now exposed.


So no more...


If you want more info you can look at the other couple of post I did a few months ago.

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Are you guardian or was someone else appointed?

I agree, Mom sounds like there is some Dementia here. She should not be living alone. If ur guardian than I would have her evaluated and place her in an AL or LTC you have this power now.

If you are not the guardian, you need to contact them and tell them Mom is showing signs od Dementia and cannot live alone.
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StoneMan Jun 2019
Mom has independent guardian and 24/7 care.  Now her care is totally in someone else's control.
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StoneMan, from what you had written, your Mom has more than just normal age decline. It sounds like she has Alzheimer's/Dementia, thus whenever she lashes out, its the dementia talking, not her.

I noticed you had brought up this situation in April of last year. Has your Mom been tested for Alzheimer's/Dementia?

Another thing, get Mom to her primary doctor or urgent care to have an Urinary Tract Infection test. Such an infection can cause all sorts of unusual behaviors in older folks. It can also mimic dementia.
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I personally do not give care to people just because they are a blood relation. Not everyone is deserving of our love and care. Enough water has gone under this bridge that you know just how shaky the foundation is, dealing with this person. I cannot for the life of me imagine why you would continue to give time out of your life for her when it has gone/is going completely unappreciated. But then, you will have to forgive me. I just cannot love people by how much DNA we share in common. Wishing you really good luck moving forward. Seems you have tried a whole lot of things.
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I agree, although if it turns out she has dementia or a related condition hopefully she can be taken care of accordingly/put in a helpful facility!
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