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Husband has good days and bad. He is in final stages of cancer. He refuses to get help. When do I get help anyway?

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Appreciate you answer, my Husband typical alpa
We are now in the process of getting home hospice
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I forgot to add that my dad resisted hospice and everything about it for the first 4-6 weeks. My mom called and they just came and talked to us. My dad, being a really stubborn, controlling man, called them "a racket only out to make money". Hospice was not surprised by this. He didn't get into the hospital bed for about a month after it was brought to the house. Hospice was not surprised by this either. Gradually my dad realized that he needs help and my mom also needed the help of hospice. It is for the whole family.
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I can only speak about my dad's situation. His multiple myeloma came back and he decided not to pursue further treatment so he is not going to get better. He was/is in a lot of pain but became unable to even physically go to the doctor to keep getting his pain medication. Hospice allows him all the pain meds he needs, he never needs to go to the doctor and is at home. He is 99% bedridden...can still will himself out of bed to go to the bathroom. Hospice provided a bed, a wheelchair, and anything else he needs...it's an amazing service.
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Good for your mom
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Thank you
I will call his oncologist to set this up
Evaluation will help a great deal to decide what is next
Thank you so much
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I think it can be hard to know when it's time if you're in the thick of the caregiving.

Are there really two separate questions here? When to call hospice, and when to get help when you can't do it alone anymore?

If you even think hospice time is neigh, then call a hospice organization to come evaluate. They will tell you if it's not time yet.

If you need respite, you must, must, MUST hire someone, an agency to come in and relieve you. One third of all caregivers die before the patient does. From stress related illnesses like heart attack and stroke. From cancer, because they couldn't take time off from caregiving to check out their symptoms.

When my dad was dying of leukemia, my mom went to college every Tuesday. They were in their 70s. My father railed and cried that she didn't love him enough, but mom went, every Tuesday. She told me it was what kept her from losing her mind while she was losing him. My dad died. My mother received her BS summa cm lauded at age 82.
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