I was my moms caregiver on and off since I was 14 yrs old. She had repeated bouts of cancer, then later a hysterectomy, rheumatoid arthritis and heart failure. She passed away April 28th. We were very close.
I keep having flashbacks of her last two weeks, she was in the hospital and they put her through so much on a daily basis, she was suffering so much, struggling to eat, she had needs twice a day plus tests, she couldn't walk and was in agony, they gave her nothing for the pain because of her heart. I was there everyday all day, it was unbearable to watch. I'm in my 40's my mom wasn't that old. Mom also was sharp as a tack but her brain went in the hospital and she was saying crazy things sometimes which was a shock. She called me at 130 in the morning her last day telling me she wasn't at the hospital, was in a dark place and they'd put her somewhere. That was the last time we spoke. The phone call killed me.
I keep having these flashbacks of her bruised arms, the needles, the way she looked, her pain, the last phone call etc etc. I can't sleep. I had to sleep with the light on for the first month or so and have been taking sleeping pills. Sometimes I have flashbacks when I'm out and about as well and I well up and get anxiety. Do these pass??? Counselling helps with the grief but not these flashbacks.
Other than the flashbacks I'm actually doing quite well. I'm very healthy and taking care of myself.