Ok, y'all know my drama...86 yo mom with a crazy need for surgery to get attention..(No way to sugarcoat that)...and siblings who are just NOW getting on board with care and attention to mother's worsening health.
She keeps all her financial information between herself and my younger brother who has POA. Mother was recently denied any further surgeries and she also refuses any Physical Therapy or palliative care, although she states she's in constant unrelenting pain. Currently she is walking with a walker, but is getting weaker as she walks less each week. She is almost unable to get in and out of a car--20 minutes per each way.
She lives with my brother's family in an attached apartment. The family is busy and does not spend a lot of time with her.
Until about 6 weeks ago I was going to her place twice a week to clean and organize and do whatever little chores needed doing. She became angry with me and told me to get out of her life. So I did. She is now noticing all the stuff I did for her--isn't amazingly getting done. She's angry (heard this from one of the nieces) and she's lashing out.
My brother intends to keep her in his home even when she's wheelchair bound. The apt is not wheelchair accessible and couldn't be made so without tearing it all apart and starting new. The 4 other sibs involved are discussing looking into ALF's and may have to place her if she continues to deteriorate.
Dad bought a long term care policy for just this situation!! I know it is up to date, but I don't know how these work. Will she have to pay down all her assets before the LT policy kicks in? I think all she has is one investment (worth maybe $80,000) and some life insurance...and whatever SSI she gets. She and dad sold the house 17 years ago, most of that money was already gone as they had double mortgaged the house to help my oldest brother and youngest sister. Mom will not discuss money with the "girls" in the family, which is kind of a hoot as I do all our bills and home maintenance, my sister has tons of rentals which she manages and my younger sis does accounting for the huge hospital corporation she works for.
ANYHOW....we are starting to look into facilities, just in case. I don't want sticker shock. The only ALF's I am familiar with were the VERY upscale ones, that cost $8-10,000 a month. That's not doable. Any thoughts?? You've all been so helpful and supportive through the recent dramas, I look forward to hearing your take on this. (And no, we're not talking to Mother about this now---)