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Husband has vascular dementia over five years now. Short term memory almost non-existent. Was diagnosed in November 2015 with aml (acute leukaemia) he was discharged home with palliative care. He had two transfusions in hospital and one since being home. Approx 25days between. They are asking me to decide on future transfusions. In between he is back to how he has been for quite some time. How do I make that decision?

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transfusions are useless....there is no cure except for a bone marrow transplant like Robin Roberts had from an exact match from her sister....lucky her.
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Thanks to all who responded. My husband and I had discussed this in general terms way back when doing wills and poa. Yes there is a dnr in place and we are home with paliative care, hospice will be done here. I will continue to do the day to day things with him and make decisions for him as best I can. I am sure there will be times in the future I will question those choices but will have to remind myself that at the time it seemed like the best choice and move on. There is a great benefit to having had this time, I have fallen in love again with a man I had thought I had lost to dementia, when he sees me upset he comforts me, I am getting a lot more hugs and kisses.
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Has anyone disused a hospice services?
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This is the kind of decision we all hope we never have to make and that may be the case with your husband too. Try not to think ahead too much but when he needs another transfusion ask yourself whether the time between them is getting shorter and how much benefit does he receive in terms of quality of life. This is a disease he is going to die from so ask yourself if you want him to have his final time relatively comfortably at home or constantly in the hospital. Should you decide now to stop then he can be transitioned over to hospice and everything he needs will be provided at home. Does he have a DNR in place? It is a horrible time for you and many will send you love and support. Blessings
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That the doctors discuss this with you, instead of your husband, makes me think that his dementia must be more advanced. If it isn't advanced to the degree that you have to make the decision, I agree completely with what Pam wrote. Talk to your husband about it when he is feeling well.

I had a friend with acute leukemia who suffered with the worst part for over a year. For him there came a time when they could give him no more blood. I don't know the reason, but he had reached a limit imposed by someone. He always felt better after getting blood, too, but the disease continued to progress. Maybe you do not need to make a decision right now when you are unsure. I have a feeling that you, the doctors, or other people will know what to do if the leukemia progresses. I wouldn't commit to anything until I was sure there was no good life left to live.
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The big question is how does he feel about it? If he is sick and tired of poking and prodding, does not like going to the hospital and has little quality of life, then abide by his wishes and stop future transfusions.
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If you and your husband ever discussed these kind of issues in the past you will have some inkling of how he would feel about it. You should try to honour that even if it conflicts with your own thoughts.
If you really have no clue then I would suggest you rely on your healthcare team. Ask the doctors to take the time to go over the options with you and the consequences of either choice in detail. And then ask, "If it was your father what would you do"?
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