Mom died 2 years ago, dads 80. Alzheimer's ran all through his dad and uncles and aunts. So far so good. Dad moved in 2 years ago, he is not as active as he was before as he was working full time. Now he sits all day. No physical or mental activity. He has a computer, smart phone, car and anything he needs basically. Trying to get him active, he is now active in a church which is great. Pushing him to get more active in clubs but he doesn't go much (always an excuse).
My wife and I went out for 2 hours yesterday. Came home and it looked like we got ransacked. Drawers in the kitchen open, scissors left out, lights on all over the place. Hall closet doors wide open and dog gate away from the steps with his shirt hanging over it. It was like he just walked through and left everything open intentionally. I asked him about it and he was like "I don't remember that"...... It was within maybe an hour. I asked him what was was ding and he said he was looking for an item to give a friend of mine (he goes to church with) and I assume putting dog food away.... "then I got tired" (it was between 2 and 4 pm).
He has always been forgetful and left everything for mom to take care of. This was totally out of the norm. My wife and I are going away this weekend. We are boarding our dog as he wont pay attention to her. My wife is very worried as he has previously left the oven on and fallen asleep, left the doors unlocked in the house. While he lived on his own for 2 months He used to forget his dog was outside and it would be out all night walking all over his neighborhood or.
I know I am probably blowing this out of proportion but it does concern me. I am trying to get him to walk or get active but he wont. He does see Dr.s so that is good but what else do I look for?' Do I get surveillance tools for the house? It was hard for me to get over the guilt moving him in and my going out and I am just getting to the point where I get out with my wife more often but now it is a different list of worries. I try to let him alone and be responsible for himself as mom did it all. An I try to give him space as we like our space (for now it works). He has his own living area but we eat dinner together.
I work at home so I see him every day all day. Now what do I look for? He does his laundry, drives handles his bills (I watch over them). I know what dementia and Alzheimer is and can see when it starts (have 2 elderly friends who are in the middle of it now). Tiers has been a long time coming but what are early things to look for? Am I just being over concerned?
Not a hypochondriac but concerned.
We all know parents who wish their kid would be like the one who was featured in the local paper, who are constantly saying, "why can't you be more like your cousin?" who have a wonderful kid but who can't see it because they have other images in their mind of what their kid should be like.
What's the Big Deal with the doors? Other than the laundry is there some important reason the doors have to a certain way? (Your way?) And PLEASE stop trying to figure out the reasons behind his every movement. Is it depression? Is it spite? Is it mental decline? Is it a power trip? Does it matter? You love him. You want to find a way to cope with his behavior -- whatever is causing it. Concentrate on that.
tgengine, when I read the later things you wrote on this thread you reminded me so much of myself when I was going through the adjustment phase of living with my parents. Things were different than I was used to and they just didn't act like I thought they should. Now, of course, both of them had dementia, so their behaviors were "off" because of that. And they were both very difficult people in their own ways. I was always thinking that they should be doing certain things that would be better for them. I could never convince them to do them, though, because it wasn't what they wanted.
What Jeanne wrote is true. It may be that you need to adjust your thinking to let your father be himself, then make sure that his behaviors won't cause harm to himself or your house. Since he got offended at the notes left by your wife, it may be that he thinks that you think he's crazy or incompetent. He is finding that offensive.
One thing I would do is think about how much might be your father's true level of competence and how much might be your expectations of him. If your expectations are too high, he will be sure to fail each "test" that you throw at him. Be realistic. If you are expecting too much of him and pressure him, it may be better for everyone if he were living in an independent living facility. Sometimes people can be like oil and water -- they just don't mix, though nothing is wrong with either.
If you decide that living together is best, one thing that can help you is to decide what is really important and what you can let slide. Lights that are left on can cost extra money, but it happens with older people. TVs get left on, too. Stoves being left on, however, are a totally different matter. You have to choose your battles and let the other things slide. Your dad is who he is and you'll drive yourself and him crazy trying to make him someone else.