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When is it best to place my spouse in a facility that can deal with her ALZ and it's terror, loss of apatite, anger, promises of killing herself, and all of the other problems.

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Dh, has she been evaluated by a geriatric psychiatrist? If this is a sudden change in mental status, get her to the ER. She could have a uti.
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Agree with FF and Pam. Plenty of people to watch her and you will have a great weight lifted. This is for the best for your both so don't feel guilt at putting your wife in such a place, she is not the same person she was before the disease struck. It is nobody's fault. All you can do is what you feel is the best solution. Terrible way to end a marriage but it is the loving thing to do.
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It is now, before she hurts herself, or you.
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Deeshusband, so sorry you are going through all this. I think it is best when you are to a point where you are starting to become very exhausted from doing all the care, even if you have paid caregivers helping you out. If you have the night shift, you probably aren't getting much sleep.

Please note that 40% of caregivers pass away leaving behind the loved one they were caring.

Putting a spouse in a memory care center is in their best interest as this isn't the facilities first rodeo, they have seen it all and know what to do. It is time for you to become your wife's "husband" again instead of her "caregiver".
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