Primary, neurologist, and neuropsyhologist have all said that he should not live alone and that he needs help. His worsening dementia is likely Alzheimer's, according to neuropsychologist. His MRI last fall was normal for his age. He also gets agitated and was referred to a geriatric psychiatrist but his insurance doesn't cover any of those in our area. Besides, this visit would result in medication, which I think would not work because he can not deal with all the ones he is supposed to take already. He cannot keep straight, even with specific directions typed out, what is what and when and how to take them. He showed me putting eye drops in his mouth and putting the tablespoon of fiber powder on his tongue. He can not follow written directions on anything. He tried to add gas from lawn mower gas can into his car, which we had filled up 2 days ago. He somehow had scrambled eggs and coffee in his cup, but didn't know how that happened, after I told him what it looked like. He was hesitant to discard it but didn't want it either. His house has termites and silverfish but he doesn't want to spend the money on treatment because he "could die next week." He refuses any in-home care, much less leaving his home before he dies
Do I really have to wait until he lands in the hospital to get him into memory care? I suppose I am enabling him for doing so many things for him, but I don't have the heart to not help him.

Bless your heart...I know what you're going through and I'm processing something similar right now with my dad. Although I know I'm not able, he will never be convinced that where he'll end up is the proper decision or choice. I love him dearly and he's such a good man, that I feel responsible but up all night because he needs 24hr care has worn me out and I'm not getting the proper sleep to be mentally effective. We must now march forward for what is best and stay positive and encouraged that we are making the right choices for their safety and well being. The comments above are so spot on and they are correct. One day you will look back and feel you did the right thing. Praying for us all.
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Reply to mydaddy1900

Not living alone does not mean he should remain in his home. He needs 24/7 care which is probably a facility. Whether it is assisted living or memory care will depend on an assessment that the facilities will have him do.

Time for you to go shopping for dad's next residence. And I would not waste time doing that unless you are able and willing to become his caregiver. But, he needs help, one way or the other, now.

Seeing doc's is now so easy even if not in your area. Telemed works great and has a much greater choice of doc's because you do not have to limit providers by their proximity to you.

You will find that home care is very expensive, start about $10,000.00 a month and up depending on your location. You may just have to do the planning for the move without input from dad. This will take a great deal of strength on your part.
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Reply to gladimhere

Get letters from all these docs you mentioned stating that father can’t care for himself. Start visiting care facilities and try to get prepared. Finances? Medicaid? Sort that out.

And it often takes a crisis, hospital trip and then a move directly to a care facility.

Your description matches that of my folks about 3 years ago. This is gonna be a rough ride. Get as prepared as possible before the S hits the fan and it will, trust me. My folks were the king and queen of stubborn. I Finally got them in care but what a rodeo that was.
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Reply to Windyridge

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