Yes, time for another option for MIL. You cannot continue to do what you are doing and you never should have. FIL could have very well taken care of his wife and should have with her daughter helping out or him paying someone. And charging you rent when u were there to help! That really take the cake.
Looks like this is ur SILs personality, letting others do the work. I really don't know why ur so surprised. You have to flat out say to ur husband, I cannot do this anymore. I would think the dialysis alone takes a lot out of you.
Sorry you've. been bullied into doing so much caregiving. I would take a hard look at your situation. You have to put you and your health first. IF you have anything else that you'd like to freely offer to do for your MIL, go for it. But that's all you do. I would consider telling your hubby that you're bowing out and he and his sibling(s) will have to figure out what to do next.
In 1993 we got married and moved to Stockton, CA. Spent $20,000 to move only to be called back because mom got sick with cancer and was told that sister and dad couldn't help her. I was put into the position of caregiver, maid, cook and landscaper with my husband. Husband worked while I worked part-time and cared for her and did other things for the house, too. Father in-law watched tv, sister in-law was working but on her days off ran off to play and not help. Mother in-law didn’t care because she had me. We had to pay rent too ($2,000). Husband decided to move back to Stockton again and thought this would be better for us both. Yes, I was a happy camper. In 2001, I got sick, and husband thought maybe his parents would help him care for me. We moved back and once again I became maid, cook, landscaper again and they wanted to charge us rent, again. Husband put his foot down and said no way, you guys do your own cleaning, yard work and cooking then. I will pay but, my wife isn't doing it all this time. Now that parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia, we are caregivers, too. Sister in-law just takes them to the doctor, and I am the caregiver and not getting paid at all to do it. Dad died in January and Mom is still refusing to let any services help her or have anyone come in to help. What to do?
************************* Your sister in law cannot 'leave the caregiving up to you'..........you have to AGREE to do the caregiving. If you don't, place your loved one in managed care or hire caregivers to come into the home to help with the duties. With dementia at play, mom does not have to 'agree' to any of this as she is no longer in charge of making the rules, you are. You can place her in Memory Care if need be, and if your health is compromised to the point where you can no longer be a good caregiver. We humans can only do what we are capable of doing and when we can do no more, that is when we raise the white flag of surrender, agreeing to let paid help do the rest.
Looks like this is ur SILs personality, letting others do the work. I really don't know why ur so surprised. You have to flat out say to ur husband, I cannot do this anymore. I would think the dialysis alone takes a lot out of you.
Here is your post from June 25th:
In 1993 we got married and moved to Stockton, CA. Spent $20,000 to move only to be called back because mom got sick with cancer and was told that sister and dad couldn't help her. I was put into the position of caregiver, maid, cook and landscaper with my husband. Husband worked while I worked part-time and cared for her and did other things for the house, too. Father in-law watched tv, sister in-law was working but on her days off ran off to play and not help. Mother in-law didn’t care because she had me. We had to pay rent too ($2,000). Husband decided to move back to Stockton again and thought this would be better for us both. Yes, I was a happy camper. In 2001, I got sick, and husband thought maybe his parents would help him care for me. We moved back and once again I became maid, cook, landscaper again and they wanted to charge us rent, again. Husband put his foot down and said no way, you guys do your own cleaning, yard work and cooking then. I will pay but, my wife isn't doing it all this time. Now that parents were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia, we are caregivers, too. Sister in-law just takes them to the doctor, and I am the caregiver and not getting paid at all to do it. Dad died in January and Mom is still refusing to let any services help her or have anyone come in to help. What to do?
*************************
Your sister in law cannot 'leave the caregiving up to you'..........you have to AGREE to do the caregiving. If you don't, place your loved one in managed care or hire caregivers to come into the home to help with the duties. With dementia at play, mom does not have to 'agree' to any of this as she is no longer in charge of making the rules, you are. You can place her in Memory Care if need be, and if your health is compromised to the point where you can no longer be a good caregiver. We humans can only do what we are capable of doing and when we can do no more, that is when we raise the white flag of surrender, agreeing to let paid help do the rest.