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My mother needs to be right and feels threatened when something happens where she is not in control. If I try to explain, she shuts me down. If I don’t say anything, she pouts. I can’t talk to her about anything except what she eats and what she’s wearing today. Anything else makes her emotionally charged and angry. Being with her is a chore. Should I just not engage at all? How long can I stand that kind of one-sided relationship?

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My mother is similar, except that she refuses to accept that she is not in control. She is always right. Everyone else is stupid.

I try to pretty much not engage. It's not fair that I have to be pretty much her main social support. She has other choices, but insists on living this way.

And yes, being with her is a chore!
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Reply to CTTN55
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BroadwayValerie Jul 19, 2018
I can only "not engage" if I'm focusing on something else. Yet she is not happy if I don't pay attention to her all the time. Oy! I am a great communicator and story teller and I feel like I waste MY life spending so much time NOT speaking to my Mom for fear of setting her off. I try, though.....because It's what we must do.
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Mom sounds like she’s afraid her life is spinning out of control. Does she have dementia? That in itself is scary when you are still cognizant enough to realize what’s happening. If she was always independent, ran her own home and raised her own family, now being dependent on one of her kids can be depressing and upsetting, even if that child is loving and caring. If she lives with you, she’s gone from an entire house to maybe one room for herself. Her past life and her independence is gone and there never comes a time in ones life when it’s easy to accept.

However, that is no excuse for bad behavior. When one lives with one’s adult child, it’s a privilege and not a right. Unreasonable anger can signal a need for a doctor visit. So can pervasive anxiety and/or paranoia.

Let Mom initiate the conversations. I’ve found that food can be an obsessive topic of discussion. My bedridden husband, while eating breakfast, will ask for a complete rundown of meals and snacks for the rest of the day.
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BroadwayValerie Jul 19, 2018
Thanks Ahmijoy. It's comforting to hear that others feels like I do. I'm not alone.
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Has your mother always behaved this way? Or is this a change in her mental status?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Just remember to breathe be calm , agree with her for the sake not arguing, if you can destress . Do some exercise to release stress and release serotonin it's the natural feel happy enzyme. Please engage it's probably the only good communication she has. If you can also get to talk to a therapist to talk about the the situation.
But always breathe in bad situations it allows you to keep calm
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BroadwayValerie Jul 19, 2018
Thanks. Good advice. Breathing can help take the edge off a situation.
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