What's the best way to coordinate a home to assisted living transition for 94-yr-old with vascular dementia and refusing care?

Things have always gone smoothly with our sweet 94 yr old father with vascular dementia. He has been able to live alone the past 4 yrs. Now he needs 24/7 care per Dr due to increase memory loss, incontinence, not eating well or forgetting to eat, losing weight, making bad choices that put him in harm's way and balance issues. My hubbie is an only child and he can't make a final decision. He is emotionally involved but not logical. I feel he is waiting for his dad to fall or get sick, then take him to the ER and then send him directly to a facility. Dad refuses belligerently to stay with us, go to a home or have a family member live with him. We have had discussions with the geriatric Dr and him to discuss these 3 choices. He is NOT HAVING IT! He wants to die alone and in his home! Next step I would like to use is therapeutic safety lying. We found a resident homecare and I'd like to take him there and tell him the Dr wants to take a sleep or heart test for one night or another story. Hubbie won't do it! My hubbie thinks having our unemployed son and girlfriend staying with him for a while would work. I don't think it will last. But i want him to have assistance asap. So today I asked him if his grandson and GF can stay with him for a few days, because the A/C doesn’t work and being we live in AZ, they can't stay at there home or with us. He said, yes it would be fine for a few days. Then 30 minutes later he calls back to say it may not be good to have them come, as it's too much work for him and he likes being alone. I told him he doesn't have to do anything. They will cook and clean and help with whatever you need done. He said, because he appreciates all I do for him, he will do it, if it helps me out. He can't remember from a second ago what he did or said. How come he can get off the phone, go sit down for 30 minutes and remember to call me back, questioning about why they are coming over and staying again? How come he can store this in his memory? He thought maybe it's not a good idea. It's as if he knows something is going on. Before he was OK with it and now, he isn't ok with it. If I wanted to come, and stay for a while, he would say Absolutely! Which I do go there for 2 to 3 nights to spend time with him. But I can't stay there permanently. I know he will be upset with any change; it will hurt to see him be upset but it's his safety and wellbeing that is #1. It happened with his car privileges, but he survived and did get over it. Any suggestions? Caregiver Help in AZ! Thank you. Lou Lou :)
it’s hard. I just want mom to have peace.