My mother has changed so much in the last few years, I can hardly believe the differences of her mental faculties. This forum exemplifies it all even more. No one talks about the possible deteriorating elderly mind and body, the work it takes to care for them and how to process the relationship as a daughter or son. Why is this topic taboo to the rest of the world that isn’t caretaking? So much of it is unknown to the unparticipating, or young. I’d like to learn more, and in-depth. Does anyone have a reference to a book that would help with understanding geriatrics more? The process, how to cope, what one could expect? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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Pandabearmama - I see many changes in my Mom’s mental and cognitive functions too (more drastically in the past couple years). Unprepared for these changes, but learning a LOT on this forum and by attending a local caregiver’s monthly support group.

You pose a good question - why eldercare isn’t of interest to non-caretakers. So many people do not want to think about the finality of their life - it’s a hard talk to have with your parent(s). My Mom doesn’t want to plan ahead, doesn’t care about the mess she’s leaving her only child and told my husband she ‘won’t listen to her!’ (Meaning me.)

I’m focused on learning how to better communicate with her, how to better cope with this disease (undiagnosed) and what to expect in the various stages through books & webinars. Some that have helped me:

. Jennifer FitzPatrick - ‘Cruising through Caregiving’
. Leslie Kernisan -
. Teepa Snow - Positive Approach to Care podcasts
. National Institute on Aging

Let us know what you find helpful. Thanks!
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Books are great as reference material, but understanding geriatric and cognitive decline is something most of us learned by experiencing it with our loved ones. Each elder is unique. No two elders experience decline the same way. I didn’t start to suspect something was going on with my mother until I walked into her apartment one day and she had left the oven on and the oven door open, apparently to heat her apartment. (There was no reason for this as her utilities were paid for). When other things started to happen with her, I really counted on her doctor, who’d been her doctor for 20 years. And, this forum has been an invaluable help for me. There have been times in the past years, with my mother and my husband, I think I would have crashed and burned if not for my friends here.
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AlvaDeer Sep 2019
I so agree that each person is absolutely unique. And the writer is correct. This is a hidden world; people inside homes giving care quietly, desperately. I have a book called The Family Caregiver's Manual but it is pretty down to earth cut and dry. David Levy, Gerontologist is the author of it. Have several about managing Trusts and POA duties. You tend to get a library, but as to dealing with the individual they are quite worthless, and the forum has more info.
Start with Atul Gawande's On Being Mortal.
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