What's going on?

Kdvdspp, please reach out to the proper authorities about your situation. Help and resources are available 24/7 at Childhelpline.org as well.
 
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If you contact either CPS or APS (Adult Protective Services, to report that your Grandma is having either a mental or cognitive problem) this is the opportunity to tell them that she has installed a camera in your bedroom against your wishes. Make sure to give this information to anyone who comes to check on the situation. In doing some research on this topic, it is possibly a felony in Michigan to do this.

You have a Chromebook and I assume you can take video of your own. Next time your Grandma acts unhinged or makes threats, video it. Then text or email the video to someone so that your Grandma can't erase it. Keep doing this.

The problem is your Grandpa. Any agency that comes to check on you, they will talk to him as well and he will undoubtedly vouch for your Grandma. So, you will need evidence to show.

But your original question is about what is going on with your Grandma's behavior and mind. You said she is 74 years old. It is very possible she is having the beginnings of dementia. Some forms of dementia include paranoia and delusions. Some forms of demetia, like Alzheimer's, start very early (and 74 is actually early for dementia).

There are other medical conditions that can mimic dementia symptoms: a UTI (urinary tract infection) which is very common in older women and often has no other symptoms other than cognitive confusion, change in personality, etc. Antibiotics can treat his.

Is your Grandma on any other medications? Does she take sleeping pills? Sometimes over- or under-medication can cause the symptoms you've described.

Is your Grandma an alcoholic? Alcoholics can have a vitamin D deficiency that causes the symptoms you described.

Is your Grandma diabetic? Uncontrolled diabetes can cause the symptoms you described, as well as high blood pressure.

Also, dehydration, a thyroid problem, a stroke, a tumor can all cause the symptoms you described. Some of these issues are treatable, other not.

The problem is getting her to have a medical exam. How does your Grandma treat your Grandpa? Is he subjected to her nasty treatment as well? If so, can you try to have a private discussion with him to see if he is willing to try to get her in for an exam?

If he doesn't help intervene, you really don't have many other options except to call 911 if she is threatening or delusional (and try to video this behavior so that you show this evidence to the EMTs if your Grandpa tries to say nothing is wrong), and to keep contacting CPS or APS and show your evidence (and tell about the cameras).

What would your life be like if Grandma got taken out of your home? Just you and Grandpa? Is he capable/willing to take care of you? Or would be think you'd take care of him? Do you have any friends whose parents would house you for a while?

Kd, the thing is, you can't be TOO "grateful" to your grandparents for adopting you that you're willing to accept any abuse that's thrown your way because they're "better than nobody" and you should feel "lucky". It's a fine line we adoptees sometimes walk.....when those who adopted us are mentally ill and acting unhinged, giving us daily stomach aches and anxiety attacks. What do we do? Where do we turn? And grandpa turning a deaf ear and a blind eye to grandmas terrible behavior is not okay either. In many ways, its even worse than grandmas behavior. Because you figure she has dementia or is mentally ill. Whats HIS excuse ignoring the elephant in the room watching his granddaughter suffer false accusations? That's how I felt about my adopted father, standing by doing nothing while my adopted mother wreaked chaos in the house. I had nobody to talk to....no siblings, and in those days, schools weren't equipped to deal with home troubles as they are today. So I feel your pain. I did what Alva suggested to you; to keep a diary of the insane things that went on in my home in case my mother was taken away or I went into foster care, etc. That day never came. I see CPS did nothing for you either 😑

I think our system is still broken. That a woman in your grandma's mental condition would qualify to adopt children, any children, even kin, is unthinkable. That CPS would do nothing to help you is unthinkable as well. Yet here you are, at 14, between a rock and a hard place.

I don't know what the "answer" is except maybe to appeal to grandpa? For him to tell you to "leave him out of it" is to shirk HIS responsibilities as a guardian to YOU and as a husband to HER. Hold him accountable for the role he took on as your guardian when he signed the adoption papers. Grandma needs a full medical evaluation and HE needs to force the issue now.

Do you know who the social worker is who was handling the adoption? WAS there a social worker, a lawyer, etc? If so, that may be another avenue to explore: notifying these people of your situation. Keeping in mind you may be sent into foster care.

Me, I rode it out till I moved out right after I graduated high school. It was a long road indeed.

I'm so sorry you're going thru such a terrible ordeal. I wish you good luck and Godspeed getting the help you need.

KDVD,

Thank you so much for responding to us and to our answers for you. Please try not to take seriously anyone who questions you; I know from your writings here that you are exceptionally bright and well spoken; I am going to assume as someone who is quite young that you are also social media savvy, and you understand there are all sorts in the world, and Social Media doesn't always lend itself well to advice and the written word. Don't let yourself get pushed to anger because the important thing is to take care of yourself.

I hope you will keep a careful and WELL HIDDEN (locker at school) daily diary of things in your world. And PLEASE do consider reports to school, to school counselors, to Child Protective Services for your own protection.

Again, so sorry for what you are going through. You sound bright enough that with good grades you can work toward early emancipation. Stay away from that home all you can, and again, do know that cameras in the room of a young girl is EXCEPTIONALLY abusive and would not be accepted by the authorities.

Best of luck and again thank you for responding to us.

Members here: This is a child posting. Not yet at the age of consent.

She should call Child Protective Services, a teacher, a Counselor at school.

It is entirely possible that a grandma can have custody of an older sister first because of having different fathers with different levels of custody interest.
CPS does appoint grandparents as foster parents first, then supervises adoption(s). The circumstances where a parent on drugs loses custody is no longer rare.

So sorry that we cannot help her, but jumping on her story is not appropriate.
I would rather be fooled and believe her than hurt the feelings of a 14 year old child already being abused by her grandmother! Some of you are way out of line! I have reported your post.

Like said, she is already abused, no need for anyone else to be cruel.

I advise the child to not post anymore on Aging Care, and dial 911.

Do you have a clergy person in whom you could confide? Any other trusted adult, such as a friendly neighbor? I specified "trusted" because what you need is someone who is smart, savvy and caring enough to take charge and get you to the helping services that you need. Is there a lawyer who handled the adoption and could take an interest in you now? A guardian ad litem in the courts?

There really are people who will care about you and help you with your life. I hope you find some, and good luck.

You need to talk to a school counselor now. Either your grandmother is suffering from a Dementia, or she is mentally ill. Which ever, you should not be living with her.

Members here: This is a child posting. Not yet at the age of consent.

She should call Child Protective Services, a teacher, a Counselor at school.

It is entirely possible that a grandma can have custody of an older sister first because of having different fathers with different levels of custody interest.

So sorry that we cannot help her, but jumping on her story is not appropriate.
I would rather be fooled and believe her than hurt the feelings of a 14 year old child already being abused by her grandmother!

Did your grandparents REALLY adopt you? And your parents agreed/ were in jail/ hopeless drug addicts/ both dead? Why didn’t your grandparents take you when they ‘adopted’ your sister? Who did you stay with while your sister was ‘adopted’? Have you talked to your sister and to your parents (unless they all died in the same catastrophe)?

If you want to write fiction, you should get some facts straight first. Otherwise the reader thinks “what’s going on?”

Your profile says that you like to write, so I can't help but wonder if this post is actually legit or just one of your writings.
So I have some questions for you. Why was only your sister adopted first and what did she do about all the accusations? Where is your grandfather in all of this? And why would the courts allow a demented person to adopt a vulnerable child?(to my knowledge they would not)
And while security cameras are allowed in ones home, it is however illegal to record anyone without their consent in places where there is an expectation of privacy like a bedroom or bathroom, so you need to tell your grandparents that they MUST remove the camera(s)from your bedroom or you will be reporting them to the authorities.
And again only if this is by chance a legit post, as the verdict is still out on that as things seem just a bit too fishy for my liking.

But and that's a BIG but, if I'm way off base here, please talk to your teacher or social worker at school.

You put your question under the Alzheimer's/dementia category. If you know that grandma has dementia, then you also know that this is all "dementia behavior " and par for the course, right?

My question is, why is a grandmother with dementia petitioning for and able to adopt children?

How old is your Grandma?

Are you actually adopted, or are your Grandparents your legal guardians?

Is your Grandpa still alive? If so, how does he react to all of this? Why isn't he dealing with this?

If your Grandpa is no longer there, you can tell a trusted neighbor or a school teacher/counselor and have them call social services for your county and a social worker can visit and help figure things out.

Timeline? How long ago did she accuse your sister of the same?

My mother’s dementia presented as anger and paranoid accusations. Accusations of theft, poisoning, aging her, changing how things worked, preventing from leaving the house (COVID lockdown), rearranging her stuff...

Use your phone to take photos of the cameras. Cover the lens in your room. Covertly video her accusatory behaviour.

My mother used to set me up so she could accuse me of doing things I never did. Like she needed to have a reason to be angry with me or randomly take away privileges, etc.

Are you able to discuss this privately with your grandfather? Does he react to her behaviour? Talk to a school counsellor?

I think that you should report this at your school at once. They will have referrals to make. This honestly is abusive. While I suspect that your grandmother isn't well in some way I cannot judge from here (dementia or mental disorder??) that isn't something anyone here can help you with, and you do need help and protection.

If you speak to school counselors they should refer this case to APS to check on your grandmother, to pay a visit. I would not discuss with your grandmother what you are going to do.

Is your Sister now out of the home; is she an older sister?
Who else lives in the home and is witnessing this?
Are your parents deceased or in some other way out of the picture (it is rare to be adopted by grandparents otherwise.)

If there are no school authorities to help you you will be left with having to speak with the APS yourself. I cannot know what kind of access you have there, but a visit to your local police station or to authorities such as Sheriff to refer you for help may also help you.

I hope you will update us and I am so very sorry to hear this. I wish you the best.