Does anyone know what MOM would want in this unenviable situation? Is there a healthcare directive or Living Will? Maybe it's time for palliative care or even hospice.
You are supposed to break away from your mother and be able to care for yourself without her, be an independent person who leads their own life not one where an adult child lives vicariously through a parent.
Might be time for you to get some therapy to get to the bottom of this fear you have.
I really agree that the first step is to deal with your fears of losing your mom. I think those fears may be overriding any sensible decisions regarding your mother's care.
Decisions have to be based on what is best for your mother, not what you want to ease your fears.
Losing loved ones is hard but it is also very much part of life. We all die sooner or later, Those left behind learn to cope.
Please seek some counselling to help you with this. ((((hugs))))
If the age you state your mom is, 65 is accurate she is still very young. How, why is she in a Skilled Nursing facility? You state she has mobility problems. You also state that she has had a stroke. Can mom function on her own? Can she do ADL's (Activities of Daily Living) Do you actually know what it would be like to care for her 24/7/365? Is your house set up to be accessible for someone with mobility problems?
You say that you are scared to live the rest of your life without your mom. Honey I hate to break it to you but 99% of the time CHILDREN outlive PARENTS. That is how it is supposed to be. A parent is not supposed to burry a child.
I suggest that you talk to someone about this fear, anxiety that you have. You need to learn to live on your own, without parents. Parents are supposed to teach their children how to survive without them. In this is seems like your mom has failed in her job. (ok, maybe that is harsh)
To answer your question I will ask some of my own. Who placed mom in the Skilled Nursing facility? Is mom cognizant? Is it safe for her to live with you?
If mom has a POA that placed her in Skilled Nursing it is the POA that makes the decision. If mom is cognizant she can arrange discharge. If mom is not cognizant then POA is in charge. If mom is not cognizant and it is safe for her to live with you and you are not POA you could try to obtain Guardianship. This is a drawn out sometimes expensive process.
Is the fact that you're afraid to be without your mom the reason that you're wanting to get her out of the nursing home where she's receiving the 24/7 care she now requires and bring her home? I think you may be over reacting just because you can't imagine your life without her. We are all going to die one day and I'm guessing that your mom doesn't want you jeopardizing your health to care for her. Your mom now has many caregivers throughout the day that are caring for her, and you are only one person. Do you plan on hiring round the clock caregivers(with moms money of course)so she will get the help she requires if you bring her home, or do you plan on trying to do it all yourself? I would think long and hard before you do anything drastic(like bringing her home)and live to regret it. You need to do what is not only best for your mom, but also what is best for you in the long run.
I am in a nursing home and we have many elderly that had strokes. You want to bring her home, but do you REALLY know what she needs ? If she is completely immobilized you will be doing diaper changes and washes SEVERAL TIMES A DAY. You will also be cooking and possibly feeding her every meal. A stroke can affect the brain in many ways, not just physical impairment. One of the residents here was fully mobile and no dementia before his stroke. Now he is here, only able to move one arm. He is able to speak, but his reaction time is way off and sometimes he will just stare for 5 or 10 seconds before responding. He has no cognitive loss like you see in a dementia test, but something is "wrong" with him. His sister wants to take him home, but she does not realize how difficult it is to take care of someone like this. I told her she should come in a few times and watch him during meals or see what he does all day. She must know more about the "new him" before he comes home.
You are absolutely right, MrNobody. I've cared for a stroke victim at home 24/7.
You expect them to get better, but they can get worse - a lot worse. Mine had 13 different meds to take at certain times and they had to be taken at that time on the dot. Some raised blood pressure, some lowered it (as I recall). I had to put the pills in the pill minder. What if I accidentally gave the wrong pill? That could be in the middle of the night, then what happens if blood pressure rises and causes another stroke? Or if it lowers? Because I was tired in the middle of the night when I had to get up and give meds! Very tired, from the all-day work of heaving the wheelchair in and out of the trunk, taking to doctors or therapy or someplace for health care almost every day, pushing wheelchair up ramps. Helping with exercises and toileting. Cooking, cleaning, learning to use equipment foreign to me because I'm not a medical professional. Dressing and undressing the patient, brushing teeth, bathing. There was a fall, an operation on the ankle, metal plate put in, patient had to use a scooter and I had to give shots in the middle of the stomach muscle. It was AWFUL! I should have left patient in the nursing home, but at least I finally understood the counseling that I was given beforehand about my willingness to do this. And the eye-rolling of the social worker, who was giving me an out that I should have taken. I didn't have half the training I needed to provide nursing care to a stroke victim at home. It wasn't provided, either. I could figure things out well enough so that I didn't kill the patient, but most people wouldn't have the resources that I had or the energy (?) to follow through with what I learned.
This is no picnic in the park, and OP, you have NO idea what taking mom home would involve. I wouldn't advise anyone to do it. You might think that love will get you through it, but you'll find out differently.
This is your second question for us in which you give us no information. You did tell us in another question that your mother has sustained a stroke and that she doesn't seem like herself and that is emotionally difficult for you.
Because of that I am going to recommend that you discuss your question with your mother's doctors and with the nursing home staff and administration. Also check to see if there is rehab available and attend all rehab meetings with staff. Ask them about home care and find out what skills you need to do it. If your mother is receiving rehabilitation care I would speak with the social workers in the facility.
Much of the decision as to whether you are ABLE to care for your mother in-home depends on your skill set and abilities. This may be something you cannot do.
I am very sorry you are dealing with this, and hope things will go well for your mother and for you yourself.
You are supposed to break away from your mother and be able to care for yourself without her, be an independent person who leads their own life not one where an adult child lives vicariously through a parent.
Might be time for you to get some therapy to get to the bottom of this fear you have.
Decisions have to be based on what is best for your mother, not what you want to ease your fears.
Losing loved ones is hard but it is also very much part of life. We all die sooner or later, Those left behind learn to cope.
Please seek some counselling to help you with this. ((((hugs))))
How, why is she in a Skilled Nursing facility?
You state she has mobility problems.
You also state that she has had a stroke.
Can mom function on her own?
Can she do ADL's (Activities of Daily Living)
Do you actually know what it would be like to care for her 24/7/365?
Is your house set up to be accessible for someone with mobility problems?
You say that you are scared to live the rest of your life without your mom.
Honey I hate to break it to you but 99% of the time CHILDREN outlive PARENTS. That is how it is supposed to be. A parent is not supposed to burry a child.
I suggest that you talk to someone about this fear, anxiety that you have.
You need to learn to live on your own, without parents.
Parents are supposed to teach their children how to survive without them.
In this is seems like your mom has failed in her job. (ok, maybe that is harsh)
To answer your question I will ask some of my own.
Who placed mom in the Skilled Nursing facility?
Is mom cognizant?
Is it safe for her to live with you?
If mom has a POA that placed her in Skilled Nursing it is the POA that makes the decision.
If mom is cognizant she can arrange discharge.
If mom is not cognizant then POA is in charge.
If mom is not cognizant and it is safe for her to live with you and you are not POA you could try to obtain Guardianship. This is a drawn out sometimes expensive process.
I think you may be over reacting just because you can't imagine your life without her.
We are all going to die one day and I'm guessing that your mom doesn't want you jeopardizing your health to care for her.
Your mom now has many caregivers throughout the day that are caring for her, and you are only one person.
Do you plan on hiring round the clock caregivers(with moms money of course)so she will get the help she requires if you bring her home, or do you plan on trying to do it all yourself?
I would think long and hard before you do anything drastic(like bringing her home)and live to regret it.
You need to do what is not only best for your mom, but also what is best for you in the long run.
You expect them to get better, but they can get worse - a lot worse. Mine had 13 different meds to take at certain times and they had to be taken at that time on the dot. Some raised blood pressure, some lowered it (as I recall). I had to put the pills in the pill minder. What if I accidentally gave the wrong pill? That could be in the middle of the night, then what happens if blood pressure rises and causes another stroke? Or if it lowers? Because I was tired in the middle of the night when I had to get up and give meds! Very tired, from the all-day work of heaving the wheelchair in and out of the trunk, taking to doctors or therapy or someplace for health care almost every day, pushing wheelchair up ramps. Helping with exercises and toileting. Cooking, cleaning, learning to use equipment foreign to me because I'm not a medical professional. Dressing and undressing the patient, brushing teeth, bathing. There was a fall, an operation on the ankle, metal plate put in, patient had to use a scooter and I had to give shots in the middle of the stomach muscle. It was AWFUL! I should have left patient in the nursing home, but at least I finally understood the counseling that I was given beforehand about my willingness to do this. And the eye-rolling of the social worker, who was giving me an out that I should have taken. I didn't have half the training I needed to provide nursing care to a stroke victim at home. It wasn't provided, either. I could figure things out well enough so that I didn't kill the patient, but most people wouldn't have the resources that I had or the energy (?) to follow through with what I learned.
This is no picnic in the park, and OP, you have NO idea what taking mom home would involve. I wouldn't advise anyone to do it. You might think that love will get you through it, but you'll find out differently.
What exactly is going on? What are you frightened of? Why is your mom in a nursing home?
Your profile says that your mom is 65. Is that correct?
Because of that I am going to recommend that you discuss your question with your mother's doctors and with the nursing home staff and administration. Also check to see if there is rehab available and attend all rehab meetings with staff. Ask them about home care and find out what skills you need to do it. If your mother is receiving rehabilitation care I would speak with the social workers in the facility.
Much of the decision as to whether you are ABLE to care for your mother in-home depends on your skill set and abilities. This may be something you cannot do.
I am very sorry you are dealing with this, and hope things will go well for your mother and for you yourself.