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All other behaviors are much better. Showering is a nightmare! She has become incontinent and hx of uti. always went to beauty shop for hair but will no longer go to hair appts and refuses to wash hair at home. I am not sure of what is in her mind when it comes to h2o and a bar of soap??? she admits on her own she smells and still fights a shower. Screams, bites, scratches gave me a titty twister from hell once , have pics of the wounds. lol. Refuses to wear briefs ( got her to lay on it only) does not want to change gown that's a fight as well and tells me she does not care if I change sheets etc... any words of wisdom on the whole showering experience? I have tried all kinds of strategic tactics and creative wording and find that is good for one time use only. there has to be a good way to keep her clean without the drama. HELP!

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Thank You ALL! I will try some of these suggestions. When bf gets back in town am FOR SURE going to ask him to hire a professional!!!!! I have had a hard time finding anyone that will do in home hair..
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I cared for my dad in my home and he had an aversion to showers. We didn't have the fighting that you have but he refused to shower so I hired a bath aide to come over and do the shower. He agreed and we did this a couple of times and then he decided that he'd rather just do it himself and I discontinued the bath aide. After that he showered about 3 times a week and I was satisfied with that. Any time my dad dug in his heels about something I'd hire a professional to get the job done and my dad didn't care for that so he'd usually end up giving up and doing whatever it was I was trying to get him to do. However, my dad didn't have dementia at the time and was not an angry person in the least.
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Neosporin is your best friend. At the first sign of a cut or scrape, I put on the neosporin. My Dad sleeps on his back alot, so I keep a lookout for anysign of bed sores. If the area looks red or mottled, I put on the neosporin.
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I would also speak to your doctor about her medication, she has to have the nursing cares, as well as under the breasts, they can get very sore and need regular washing and dusting with an antibiotic powder. Open kaftan with Velcro tape are easiest to manage, back opening, in different fabric for night and day wear, incontinence pants if she no longer has bowel or bladder control, but I found regular toileting seemed to prompt these to continue working regularly ,long after the mind had all but gone.
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I used to shower an old fella who hated water on his head, found it was better not to turn on the shower at all. Better to have bowls or buckets of warm water. Use a soft flannel, encourage the person to hold a wash cloth / flannel , gives them less chance to grab at you. Stand behind the person you are washing , they should be seated in a suitable chair which can be braked. Tie a light sheet around the waist so they cannot fall out. Be gentle, people hate being hauled around, keep talking quietly make the whole experience an indulgence,liquid soap and baby shampoo. If a client is used to a hairdressing experience! try to get a travelling hairdresser to do a home job.
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What about a nice scalp massage? I heard the idea of using conditioner instead of shampoo. Get the scalp covered with the conditioner and give a good gentle but thorough scratching of the entire scalp. Rinse if you can, but I think it's ok to leave a lot of the conditioner in the hair.

The hospital gave me something called a peri-wash bottle to keep the nether regions clean. I have also used a clean mustard squeeze bottle. She could sit on the toilet and squirt nice warm water at least on her front, and maybe let you do the back while she leans forward.

Would she fall for "It's Tuesday, clean nightie day!"

Have you asked her why she hates it? Is she cold? afraid? embarrassed? She may have dementia, but maybe she can explain a little, so you can fix what's wrong for her.

God bless you!
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I had the same problem with my Dad. He wouldn't shower, or wanted to shower alone no help. It was a nightmare. Then i read a book about bathing by using sponge baths. So there is no fear of falling. I have two pots of water, one to bath one to rinse. I do the upper than the lower. Keeping him warm is paramount to his cooperation. I throw a warm terry towel around his shoulders when chest is done. Then I do the bottom half. In winter and late fall I crank the heat up. Every night I hand him a warm washcloth to do his genitals to remove any leakage urine. We bath once a week. I do his feet every other day. The fights stopped. He is clean enough to prevent sores, and we are both happier.
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Sounds like you could use an extra pair of hands at showering time - actually dangerous what you are dealing with - either one of you could get seriously hurt in that slippery environment. (big ouch on the titty twister - I might have decked her for it - not really LOL). Do you have rubber mats, bars and a shower chair? How about fragranced candles and soft music to make the experience more enticing? Would she be more amenabe to a sponge bath in her bed? How about those shower caps that have the shampoo embedded in it - no rinsing required. All the time you are bathing her, I would talking very soothing and encouraging words and afterward compliment her on how nice she looks and smells and let her see herself in the mirror. Only other thing I can think of is to give her an anti-anxiety sedative a couple of hours before bathtime. I would consult the doctor on that one. All easier said than done - best wishes.
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