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He immediately mentions something he wants me to do that's stressful right after a stressful event. He doesn't mean immediately but just the thought of it makes me stressed.. Or just finish stressful event and he says something that gets me stressed again. I don't get a break from the stress.

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My husband has always had that tendency, but after his stroke, it got amped exponentially. To my shame, I actually have yelled on occasion. What worked (a bit), however, was to talk to him about it at a calm moment. More than once.

After a time, he was able to explain that he keeps a mental to-do list. When an item is crossed out, or seems to be taking too long to accomplish, he feels stressed. Hence, when one especially stressful item gets checked off the list, his mind (and mouth) *will* immediately move to the very next one.

Another thing he'll sometimes do is obsess about the next task while we're hip-deep in a current one, during a time in which we cannot handle both at once.

Having items on the list stresses him out, regardless of what each task entails (at times, he is not fully aware of complexities). Meanwhile, I'm stressed out about the number, urgency or complexity of certain tasks. Also, we each keep different lists. Our mindsets just do not match.

I still get ill-timed reminders, but he is better than he once was, and I put that down to communication. Heck, perhaps the yelling helped to alert him to the fact that, yes, there is a problem.

Everyone's post-stroke deficits and abilities vary. For each person, some things resolve more easily than others. For us, communication has been the key to many things - though I understand that it is not always possible. I truly hope you find a solution that works for you.
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Hadnuff, sounds like it is time to talk to your own primary doctor and see if he/she can recommend some prescription relief. Just something light to take the edge off.

Oh how I wished I would have taken my doctors advice many years ago. Otherwise you will crash and burn from the stress, then who would help you?
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It is his personality. He isn't doing it on purpose. The. best advice is to not let it get to me. But thats hard. It was even harder today. We had to get up very early to. get to doctor appointment. I had been stressed about this appointment because it was very important. The appointment was almost canceled the night. Before And we waited an hour after our appointment time before the doctor showed up. He had an emergency. But I did know that until he showed up. A whole lot of stress built up in me by the time we got home. I didn't yell. I just wanted to..
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I deal quite often with stress added to stress. I don't yell... well, except loud enough for her to hear me over the TV. I found the thing that works best is not to say anything. Saying no to a request starts an argument. Saying yes to it imposes on me at an inconvenient time. When it gets to much I get out of the room with her.

I don't know how mentally impaired your husband is. If he has no empathy left, explaining something or yelling at him won't work. It will just make you feel worse. If he asks you to do something, you can always defer it until later.

Hadnuff, have you thought about hiring someone to come in for a few hours a day? It sounds like you need some help dealing with things around there. If you can afford it, I would definitely look into it.
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Another thought....if he can write after his stroke, tell him to get a pad and write down his requests. When you have time you'll evaluate them and decide which ones you'll do and which ones you won't do, and that he'll have to do the ones you won't. Don't "baby" him. He's an adult, and even after a stroke, he's not a complete invalid.
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You know better than us whether he's doing this deliberately, or if it's just his personality. If the former, one option is to just ignore him; walk out of the room. Or you can tell him to make a list and if you have time you'll review.

If this is his personality, you know better than we how to deal with it after x years of marriage.

And you know that you have to learn to control your stress. If you allow these comments and events to stress you out, you'll have to figure out now to let them affect you. Are you still getting therapy, as recommended several posts ago? Perhaps your therapist can give you some advice on handling the husband-induced stress.

Barbara, from the many posts you've written on the stresses in your life, I think it would help to learn how to let some of these comments and issues just "roll off your back" and not let them get to you. I write that with concern, not as a criticism.
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