First off, thank you to whoever reads and responds. I am between a rock and a hard place. My grandmother is almost 89 and within the past 2 years has had a heart attack, breast cancer, a stroke, hiatal hernia surgery and pneumonia. Her and my aunt lived in an apartment together but due to finances, they had to move in with my mother and I. I'm 24 and still in school and working. I understand I am an adult, but I was not spoken to about them moving in. It just happened and I had zero say. I was told this would be temporary but it's now been over a year. We are on the second floor so grandma cannot get out without the help of an ambulette which is NOT covered by her insurance so it's about $300 per trip to the doctor. She has Medicare and Cigna (she's a retired employee from Cigna)...We've been told she can apply for Medicaid but she has this huge fear of "committing fraud" and going to jail. She doesn't have any assets, just a small pension. My aunt and mother baby her and don't explain to her that Medicaid can help with these travel costs. So instead of trying to apply for Medicaid, they just say "I don't want to aggravate her, forget it"...totally giving in to her ways and odd thoughts.
Since the stroke a few months ago, her mental status is definitely declining and she will call her daughters "Mom", or ask questions that she always knew the answers to. She'll say random things that make zero sense and constantly repeat herself about other things. She's also become a bit paranoid. She'll hear a small noise and jump and asks us ten times, "what was that????"...She's also been having fecal incontinence during the night and it wakes up the whole apartment because she's screaming and my aunt has to wake up to clean the whole bedroom up...and this is WITH diapers. She is on a ton of meds and a strict diet so basically my aunt is her full-time caregiver. My mom and I have to work. They basically picked up their lives and placed them in our apartment. I mentioned to my mother that I truly feel she should not be living with us as she is becoming more difficult to take care of. My mother agrees BUT my aunt said "I am absolutely not putting her anywhere, she will be heartbroken."....Gram also refuses outside help. I have to wake up for work at 6am and I have classes to attend. I'm not sleeping well because of her nighttime surprises and when I tell my mother this is affecting my life, she just says "well we'll see what we can do". I am asking, does anyone know how to go about discussing the seriousness of this with family? or even having a doctor advise having her placed? I feel heartless writing this but she is basically declining daily. Her primary care doc actually told my aunt he thinks placing her somewhere would be best but my aunt declined. The weird thing is, my gram was never around for most of their childhood. They both allow her to walk all over them.
HELP!!!! I know I could pick up and go... but then my mother would be suffering financially.