Follow
Share

So most people on the site know of my situation with the crazy ex family. I really want honest opinions rather than the sympathy because I am way beyond that and no one in this situation deserves symathy at all.


Anyway, 3 weeks ago, my ex contacted my mom, an RN (on vacation now) because his mom had an open cellulitis wound that was turning green. Her suggestion was get a culture, get proper antibiotics and told him proper wound care. She refused to get a culture. Fast forward, now she is in hospital for septsis, pnemonia, an infectious disease of leg and a heart attack from the infection. They are waiting for the results of a bone scan to see if the leg should be amputated. Again, no sympathy because she is "competent" and family thinks she can make her own decisions even though she had gained 78 lbs since I stopped caring for her and she makes bad decisions. They refuse a psych evaluation due to denial issues.


My son refuses to see her even though shes begging for it because he thinks family are complete whack jobs and they all bring about the probems and I agree with him.


While I feel bad she is going through this, I feel karma is a b!tch and she deserves whats coming. Aps is not an option since dil used to work for them and its one big conflict of interest, which is sad.


Honestly, I dont want someone to die over neglect but what alternatives are there? I feel like I have exhausted all possibilities in the past so is my conscience clear?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Tacy, you are a smart lady. She has a right to put anyone on care plan. It does not obligate you to make it happen. Ask facility who their agent of service is (that's person for filing lawsuit or legal notices). IN WRITING TO FACILITY, ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES, HER SOCIAL WORKER (by name if you have it) WITH MEDICAID:
I, Tacy, being of sound mind, disclaim any legal, moral, or medical connection to ex-MIL. I do not have power of attorney, legal or medical. I will not provide any care or arrange care during facility or at-home treatment. Any attempt to discharge ex-MIL based upon my involvement in her care will be abandonment of a vulnerable adult without care because I have no legal connection or power of attorney and will not assume responsibility for her care. Her next of kin is EX. His phone number is xx. His last known address is y. Set by my hand in front of notary on this date. Sign And have it notarized with multiple copies. When mailed send it by mail return receipt or FEDEX with signature. This is a draft slightly modified letter I wrote with therapist and gave to my husband this week. I told him they better not try to add me to him and brother based on past treatment of me. At least you don't have ongoing fight to keep you in by ex. Remember her brain is broken. She has right to say she wants you. You have right to say no. Slavery abolished over a century ago. I cannot possibly do that.
Ps wish I could punch the discharge planner in nose. Her rights do not supersede yours. Lather rinse repeat.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

You let go and let God. Your son has made the right choice; going to see her will only heighten the drama. Just pray she has something good waiting on the other side. It won't be long. I think you know that.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Tacy, no way should you feel any guilt! You did everything for that family, and they didn't listenbto even the most basic of wise information you gave them. I remember how much you tried to help, only to be let down by them, over and over! She was never very nice to you, so I don't see why you should feel in any way conflicted about you or your Son seeing her. I know that you will be there for your ex, as you have always been, and that will be enough. You did try your best! Sorry this is causing you to second guess yourself, but you needn't worry, let her family deal with this in their own way. You are too kind to think on this!
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Don't look back. You went above and beyond for MIL. You got nothing but chaos and lies in return. MIL betrayed your son, which is unforgivable.

Not only is Big Mama determined to p*ss and moan her way to "the other side" -- and gaslight everyone along the way -- she seems to enjoy it. What a waste.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

My mom was a master at manipulation- always was and she excelled at it. Problem was - as she aged and dementia came a creepin' she couldn't properly think through or execute her plots - and very often things backfired on her and she wound up in a worse situation - which sometimes I could fix, - and sometimes I couldn't. Because her schemes had become so transparent to me I would warn her until I was blue in the face - that, and try to head things off. Of course she never would listen to me. So yes, it's disaster of their own making. But your right - it's still tragic and very, very sad.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Tacy, you got a get out of jail card. It came at a heavy price to you. You have no more obligation here. I can tell from your words that the wound is too fresh and would easily open again. In your shoes I would clear out of the situation and let the former in-laws take care of things. The only thing I would be careful not to do would be to badmouth the in-laws to my son. That side of the family is half his genes, so he needs to be able to feel as comfortable with that as THEY will let him. Of course, much of that will be up to his father. How is your son's relationship with his father?
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Tacy - support your son's choices - I was going to say that but you beat me to it. Make sure he's thought and talked them through, then back him up whatever he decides.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I imagine you're thinking about how different things could have been, had ANYONE listened to you. You can't make people listen and you certainly can't force them to look at the obvious if they refuse to open their eyes. Short of resisting the temptation to say "I told you so", which I know you wouldn't do - there's nothing more to be done and you can sleep at night knowing you tried to help this messed up dynamic.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Tacy - your son chose not to board his Grandmother's Trainwreck at Dysfunction Junction. What would I do? When my mother threatened to have me committed to a psychiatric facility because I moved out of HER abusive, alcoholic home, I didn't speak to her for 20 years. Don't jeopardize your son's relationship with you over your ex's family. Your ex made his choice. Your ex-MIL and entire family have made their choices. Respect your son's choice before you get grouped in with the people that he excludes from his life. He deserves your respect as much as the grandmother who has always been this way. It's not dementia, it's a broken brain before the dementia kicked in. It's not forgiveness if you force it. Your son is an adult too - I'd deal with supporting getting him back on the meds, not back on the dysfunctional family train. Just sayin.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Tacy, I think and hope the meeting with the SW should be the end of it. This patient has burned all her bridges with a narcissistic match. Do not worry, legal services for the elderly will get her a lawyer. I fully expect she will become a ward of the state. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.