Follow
Share

I gave up my home and friends etc. to move into the home of my elderly father, at his request, last January, after the tragic death of my Mother. I take care of him, along with a few Hospital Home Nurses, a few hours a week. I am his only Child in town. The rest of his children (Four others) live all over the country. When my father asked me to move in with him, I moved, with my sweet kitty cat, the very same day! That is what makes this question so painful and difficult for me. Almost from the start, my father has, consistently, treated me, inhumanely, constantly, demeaning me, hurling obscenities at me all day long, and, with an explosive temper, sadly, psychologically and verbally abusing me, in such a derogatory fashion, and with such ferocity, and consistency, that I fear I cannot repeat the words here! I don't know where this is coming from? and I don't care to analyze him. I want to protect myself!! at all costs. What will Adult Protective Services do if I report my dad's abuse? Can those with experience, perhaps, share their ideas with me, about this agency? I so appreciate any help! I am really in trouble in this scenario, I feel. Thanks to all.

Dear Ahmijoy and Others, Thank you so much for your interest and your energy exerted toward my situation. "Ahmijoy", I know you are right, and I am way too smart for this, too remain this passive; so I, finally, got connected to Social Services, for myself, yesterday, and was assigned a, Caseworker, who can help me with my Housing situation, and to just get OUT of here. (It took a really long time to get scheduled, even with good Insurance). It is amazing the advice One gives others, but will not take Oneself. The reason I could not get my Dad assessed for Dementia is that my Brother who prevented it is his POA, unfortunately. Thank you, again, for your concern, and I am looking forward to a "new" 2019. I know I will need a lot of Healing. . .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to elishka
Report

It concerns me that you are still in this situation, five months after your original post and nothing has changed. You are subservient to both your father and your brother who apparently refuses to let you protect yourself. Someone back in July may have suggested that when your father “goes off the wall” as we say, video him. This will give you evidence to show the police or APS. For Heaven’s sake, call someone and get some help!

You need to stop letting these people control and abuse you. You also need a plan of escape. Do you have any funds at all? Is there a friend you can stay with until you find employment and have enough money to get a place of your own? You are in an impossible situation that cannot be fixed. At some point, God forbid, you could be seriously hurt or worse by your father. How much longer will you tolerate this abuse? And please keep your kitty far away from him.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report

Your brother "put a stop" to your taking your father for an assessment with his doctor. How?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report

Thank you, kindly, to all of you who take the time to offer your help and suggestions. I know I am in a difficult spot, but, certainly, not alone in these trials.
Thanks to "Countrymouse" who remembers me from July, here. Right, I tried to have my Dad medically evaluated, by His long-time Physician, but my Brother put a Stop to it! so that tells you what I am up against (very hostile, and toxic Siblings, 4 out of 5). I am sorry to be so negative; I, actually, had the most amazing upbringing, no problems with anyone, Best Friends with my beloved Mother until her dying day. This is so very hard to deal with- as everyone says "not the Dad I knew", and, Yes, "Joan29", unfortunately, I was seeing some of this ugliness, from my Father, come out toward my Mother. But, then there are so many "Layers", because, just a year, or so ago, my *FATHER took Beautiful care of my ailing Mom 24/7. And the Irony of this whole situation is that I am a "Disabled" Gal trying to help my Dad, but maybe (I cannot believe I am saying this) the best "help" would be, for me to leave, at this time.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to elishka
Report

And your kitty cat is probably at risk if he's that angry.....
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to mally1
Report

Is this something new or was he always like this but now worse. If this is new behaviour than he needs to be evaluated. He may have a UTI or in early stages of Dementia. He could have had symptoms before and Mom covered them up. Her death could have accelerated things.

I think you should call our Office of Aging. Tell them the situation and that you can no longer live this way and want to move back to ur previous home. If your Dad should get violent, call the police. They can remove him and have him evaluated. The elderly can be stronger than you think.

What do his other caregivers say. Do they hear wat he says to you?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

I had a similar situation. Mother is a threat to me even though others find it hard to believe. APS may give him some choices. #1 Find another Caregiver i.e. another sibling #2 Place him in assisted living or somewhere similar if he has the money and if he is willing to ( because he owns the home ). #3 Stay in his home and bring in some addotional services he may qualify for. As the Eyerishlass responded before...if he is competent, and owns the home, they can't make him leave. They always say ... they're not law enforcement and they don't press charges. Don't assume patients with altered mental states are not capable of seriously harming others, especially their caregivers. Good luck with this situation.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Clothescolt
Report

What has changed since July when you were thinking of reporting your father's behaviours to his doctor?

I think you already suspect that your father has dementia. What you need is an assessment of his mental state. Go back to his doctor and ask for help.

APS would be the right people to contact if you had to leave and your father was unable to look after himself, or if at any time you fear being provoked into treating him wrongly. But it doesn't sound as if that is happening, or likely to.

Your Area Agency on Aging might also be a good place to look for advice and support. You can find their contact details online.

But, honestly, the only person who can really protect you is you. It's no good gathering all the information in the world if you're not going to do anything with it.

Are you in touch with your siblings at all? Do they have any opinion to offer, any view on how your father should be cared for?
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Countrymouse
Report

Adult protective services are for vulnerable adults who are in bad living situations and are perhaps not being treated well by their caregivers and/or family. Are you wanting to call them to report your dad's behavior? I don't think they will be able to help you except to tell you to move out. Your dad's an adult as are you. As long as you are capable of leaving your dad's house, I don't think APS will have much to offer you. It's not like they'll remove your dad from his home. I imagine they'll suggest that you remove yourself from the situation.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Eyerishlass
Report

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter