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Hello -
First a quick thanks to this community for giving me the courage to report my mom to the DMV (anonymously). I have all the keys, and her car is sitting in her condo parking spot.
My next request for advice is what type of care she needs IL, AL or MC. Her PCP dx w/dementia. We saw a neurpsych but she didn't want the MRI or to know. That said, I have companion care that comes in daily. Mom still walks 2x daily w/rollator by self (not a wanderer, yet), reads the WSJ though can't process articles/discuss, can dress self and will fix breakfast, and then snack. Her st memory is pretty much gone. I think MC would be fateful at this point bc her favorite thing to do in the world is her daily walks around her complex. I have looked into a few places that offer progressive care starting w/IL. I would like to get some feedback on experiences and who makes the decision, the care facility, I'm assuming. FYI, I do have POA and estate is in order.
Thanks so much, I really appreciate your compassion, honesty, and humor.

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judy4158: It sounds like you have a good handle on your mother's dementia. However, there may come a time sooner rather than later when she'll require a higher level of care.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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It sounds like this arrangement is working right now. If she has difficulty with dressing, with getting already prepared meals out to eat, is wandering, won't or can't do things like bathe, is dressing inappropriately, falls frequently, then a higher level of care is needed. People told us it would be apparent. It was. The family makes that decision, but you can get some help from social services. If she gets admitted to the hospital for other reasons, social services can assess her living needs.
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Reply to MargieRKB
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It sounds like you are already considering both your mother's wishes and, the actual safety needs for her care. Safety will be a major or the major decision factor; given her cognitive status, you may need to act as POA and, make appropriate placement decisions for safety reasons at some point. You can expect her to most likely not want to comply or even become angry, guilt inflicting or other not pleasant behaviors; try to set appropriate healthy boundaries for yourself so that you also survive this rollercoaster of both physical and emotional and spiritual care needs intact.
Practice good self care !
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Reply to janicemeyer18
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Care and treatment in dementia derives from the symptoms. It develops differently in everyone. You are doing a fine job, and you'll be able to navigate this just fine.

Memory care facilities that have great walking spaces may be available in your area. That would be wonderful for your mom.

You have POA - you're in charge.

Best of luck to you and mom.
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Reply to Fawnby
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My grandma has mild to moderate dementia and lives in independent living with add-on care that the facility offers. They have an in-house care company that responds to all resident pendant presses 24/7. (Included in standard rent) This company offers a la carte services and care packages for those who need help.

I think something else to consider is how many times you want to move her. It might be good to consider something where you can upgrade care all the way up to memory care if you don't want to move her more than once.

For $99/day my grandma receives -
❏   Medication reminder / assistance x3 per day
❏   Wellness check x4 per day
❏   Meal delivery x2 per day
❏   Escort to dinner/ activity x2 per day
❏   AM or PM dressing assistance x2 per day
❏   Assisted shower x2 per week
❏   Incontinence assistance x6 per day
❏   Special add on (a la carte item) x1 per day
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Reply to GranddaughterCG
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Since her short term memory is gone , I would assume IL is not an option . She would need more supervision . I would look for a facility that has AL with a MC unit when the time comes . It’s been my experience that the facility decides when the move from AL to MC is needed .
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Reply to waytomisery
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ArtistDaughter Nov 5, 2023
Yes the facility will access her and determine if she can be in assisted living or needs memory care. I do think the walk is important since she really enjoys it. She will probably get used to a new walk, so find her a place that has a nice courtyard or neighborhood walk for her outings. If you are close, you could take her out for a walk a couple times a week if you are afraid she'll get lost. Where my mom was in assisted living, the caregivers would take her for short walks and I'd go later after work and take her again. Great to keep her moving.
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