My mother has dementia and is in a nursing home. She is truly an awful toxic person she was very abusive to me when I was a child. So now I’m looking after all her affairs and to save my sanity I try to see her as little as possible. She never ever says hello or even touches me, I have not had a hug from that woman since I was prob like 5 years old. So Christmas Day I walk in her room and say merry Christmas! She doesn’t say anything just goes straight into criticising what I’m wearing (I know that I dress and present well) basically saying that I embarrass her, look at what I’m wearing (a dress below the knees I’m a size 8 but she thinks I look like a prostitute)
anyway I’m trying to sell her properties to help fund her nursing home care and the paperwork that’s needed to be done, the lawyers etc so much to do she just launched into me berating me about how I have to sell everything why haven’t you spoke to the agents they tell me you’ve done nothing! I’m like wanting to tear my hair out. She has very little understanding of what needs to be done (she speaks very poor English with low education to boot) so I just say ‘yes I’m looking after things stop talking to the agent he can’t do anything more’. She’s just obsessed with trying to tell me what to do but she has NO idea what needs to be done. She can’t read or write English so it’s just infuriating,
I actually have no idea what to do with her anymore. I was having a nice time at the zoo today with a friend looking at my favourite animal in the world (seals) and who calls me? Yes my mother and does she say happy new year? No! Hello? No - just straight into ‘why haven’t you spoken to the agent yet you have to do X Y Z asap stop wasting time and stop wasting my money’ I hung up I couldn’t take it anymore.
As soon as I can sell her properties and secure a permanent place for her then I walk away. I will keep managing her bills and medical directives and I may see her couple times a year but that’s it. She is driving me to the edge.
this is a woman who when told I was in a coma and may not make it through the night said ‘well who will pay her rent now? I can’t visit her I’m unwell myself’ she didn’t call me for 6 months to see if I was even alive!
and that was BEFORE her dementia
How do I deal with her? I’m worried she’s going to send me to the grave before she goes.
I will get counseling as soon as I can get one but in the meantime - I need to stay sane. God help me