There are many articles and comments on this website regarding this very common issue. Go to the upper right corner of this page and you will see "Search Site", type in "driving", and click on the magnifying glass. Up will pop some good articles and also similar questions about taking away those car keys.
I might add, if you take away something from an elder it is best to replace it with something else. Thus taking away one's ability to drive, you will need to help drive your parents, find taxi companies that are good with elders, or if you live in an area that offers elder transportation [check with your local council on aging].
When my dad's car starting showing dings I became concerned. I had no idea what he was hitting whether it was other cars or poles or Lord only knows what. I talked to my dad about giving up driving (my dad was a very reasonable man) but he felt that it wasn't time yet. We went back and forth on the issue over several months, very reasonably, very calmly, but to no avail. My dad had a Dr.'s appointment coming up so we agreed that we'd let the Dr. make the call.
In the meantime I called the Dr.'s office to speak to the nurse. I told her the situation and she made notes in my dad's chart. I felt that the Dr. could be the bad guy and make the call regarding the driving issue.
The day of the appointment I handed the nurse a little note when my dad wasn't looking. The Dr. came in and did his thing and then started talking to my dad about his driving. It was a very civil and calm conversation and the Dr. finally said that my dad shouldn't be driving anymore. As difficult as that was on my dad he obeyed the Dr. and never drove again.
I felt a little manipulative but this driving issue had been going on for months and I felt very strongly about it as did my brother. And the evidence that my dad was hitting things was apparent on his car.
I was sensitive to my dad's feelings and I completely understood why he didn't want to give up driving. But he was old and sick and the risk far outweighed the benefit. Making the Dr. the bad guy was the right thing to do. My dad had been his patient for years and years and he trusted and respected the Dr.
My dad giving up driving was definitely a process. I had to chip and chip away at him and then bring in reinforcements when I was unsuccessful. That worked out well for us.
There are a hundred different ways to deal with elders driving depending on a hundred different situations. Are you dealing wih dementia? Eyesight? Fender benders, getting lost? Elders cooperative? Probably not. More details would help people advise.
Perhaps you can find ways to make each trip a special one. Finish with a color tour in fall, trip to a special place (for us it's the Dairy Queen), a park, or someplace your parent likes.
The idea is to create a positive, lasting memory of the last event after you take them someplace, so they're left with that memory, and can look forward to more such events.
The nearest major airport was 2 hrs away at my end and 3 hrs away from my parents . 5 hours drive coming and going, plus the extensive time required at each airport. Dad would exit the totally efficient freeway onto roads that went through old communities that marketed their colorful old characters and companies amidst transitioning from old to new. For years he drove to these places as part of his job and yes, he knew every curve like the back of his hand. The last couple trips with my parents I told Mom it was time for us to rent a car to/from the airport. She insisted Dad was still a very good driver. Having traveled two scary trips, by the third year, I told them we would be on standby so did not know when we would arrive. This provided the opportunity to rent a car. Mom likely adjusted to the gradual changes, so she defended Dad's ability to do drive. She continued to drive him around town though her driving had declined some. However after Dad died, Mom was quite willing to let my brother and his family drive her everywhere. She did get frustrated because she had to work around his schedule, but when he was off work, he made a good effort to get her where he could. He also took flex-time to get her to her appointments. Not everyone has flex time, but if you do, maybe it can be used to get parents to/from appointments.
take them to DMV can they pass the test? Written and driving??? Talk to the doctor as well...both my parents failed but still had licenses in another state which happens a lot in Florida....very scary here.....dad kept driving until he died ...thank god mom stopped years and years ago...though occasionally when I have to go to the hospital she would say I'll drop you off.....umm ok...you are in a wheelchair.....those are the funny moments....I stick to a taxi! As much as I will get hate mail Florida drivers NEED to be tested every 2 years over a certain age.....they all drive on out on state licenses they have had 10-15 years....you take your life in your hands daily here......20mph on the freeway.....stopping then reversing 4 blocks down an 8 lane road in 50mph traffic because they missed their turn,(just go around the block) driving the wrong way on exit ramps it blows your mind and is scary as hell...let's NOT let then become a statistic!
I might add, if you take away something from an elder it is best to replace it with something else. Thus taking away one's ability to drive, you will need to help drive your parents, find taxi companies that are good with elders, or if you live in an area that offers elder transportation [check with your local council on aging].
In the meantime I called the Dr.'s office to speak to the nurse. I told her the situation and she made notes in my dad's chart. I felt that the Dr. could be the bad guy and make the call regarding the driving issue.
The day of the appointment I handed the nurse a little note when my dad wasn't looking. The Dr. came in and did his thing and then started talking to my dad about his driving. It was a very civil and calm conversation and the Dr. finally said that my dad shouldn't be driving anymore. As difficult as that was on my dad he obeyed the Dr. and never drove again.
I felt a little manipulative but this driving issue had been going on for months and I felt very strongly about it as did my brother. And the evidence that my dad was hitting things was apparent on his car.
I was sensitive to my dad's feelings and I completely understood why he didn't want to give up driving. But he was old and sick and the risk far outweighed the benefit. Making the Dr. the bad guy was the right thing to do. My dad had been his patient for years and years and he trusted and respected the Dr.
My dad giving up driving was definitely a process. I had to chip and chip away at him and then bring in reinforcements when I was unsuccessful. That worked out well for us.
The idea is to create a positive, lasting memory of the last event after you take them someplace, so they're left with that memory, and can look forward to more such events.
The last couple trips with my parents I told Mom it was time for us to rent a car to/from the airport. She insisted Dad was still a very good driver. Having traveled two scary trips, by the third year, I told them we would be on standby so did not know when we would arrive. This provided the opportunity to rent a car. Mom likely adjusted to the gradual changes, so she defended Dad's ability to do drive. She continued to drive him around town though her driving had declined some. However after Dad died, Mom was quite willing to let my brother and his family drive her everywhere. She did get frustrated because she had to work around his schedule, but when he was off work, he made a good effort to get her where he could. He also took flex-time to get her to her appointments. Not everyone has flex time, but if you do, maybe it can be used to get parents to/from appointments.