My step-mom and my dad live across the country. We never had a close relationship even when they were on the east coast. Briefly, they are very self centered people who have never voluntarily made a generous decision regarding me or my sister. Dad is verbally abusive to everyone and always has been. Now it is just magnified. My step-mom is dad’s full time care giver except for a VA nurse that comes 4 hours a day and other nonprofessional people that come a few times a week to do chores. She has Parkinson’s and a pacemaker. However, now that my father is 92 and has dementia my step-mother is demanding that I promise to not put dad in a nursing home should she die first. They rent a loft space in Downtown LA and pay for it out of their social security benefits, I think. I visit 1x per year due to cost and time. Over the years I have tried to reasonably discuss care plans that would work for them both. My step-mom adamantly refuses to move into a VA subsidized residence that could help my dad with a transition if she passed away first. So since I have no control over what happens to them and no idea what their finances are I am unable to make any other recommendations. There is no way I am moving to LA to take care of Dad. What should I say to my step mother who is demanding I promise that he stay at home.