My 84yo mother has been diagnosed with advanced dementia and unable to stay at home without 24/7 care. I am not sure that we can afford this for too long. I toured a place last weekend and I wasn't that impressed--several people pushed in front of the television on the memory care floor. My mother is physically able, just not mentally on top of her game. Can others share what they found important about assisted living/memory care facilities?

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ArtMom, when it comes to dementia, those sitting in front of the TV is probably part of their day, they meet each other to try to watch TV, usually dosing off if it was right after lunch or dinner. This is what they like to do.

Now I need to find out if you had toured an "Assisted Living/Memory Care" which is usually self-paid, or if you have toured a "Nursing Home/Memory Care" which can be both self-paid and also accept Medicaid. These facilities tend to be somewhat different from each other.

For me what was important was that the Staff looked happy with the work they were doing. From the front desk, the nurse, the Aides, housekeeping, and maintenance. That they didn't look like they were exhausted, not smiling, and failing to say "hello" if you walked by. You have to get good vibes. But also realize this is a different world.

My sig other didn't like visiting with my Dad at his Assisted Living/Memory Care. I thought the place was great, it more resembled that of a hotel, the dining room looked like a restaurant with table cloths and daily menus to choose from. Then I realized my sig other wouldn't like any AL place, even if it resembled the Ritz. What was important was that my Dad loved the place.

Now my Mom was in a high skilled nursing home, and she shared a room, which was ok with her from what I could tell, her Dementia was in final stages. Mom never liked to be alone. The room wasn't very cheery even though the building was only a year old. The dining room was more like a school lunch room. Nothing was happy about the place. But it was just a couple blocks from where Dad lived so he could visit. And the Staff was always polite and informative to me. But I never ruffled any feathers.
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