It's been a very long time since I've posted anything here. Last time was when my father passed in 2020. I am noticing things about my mother that I need some advice on.
She has memory issues, she's almost deaf and has hearing aids which she won't use, she's very adamant about her health care. What's bad is she knows this but won't do anything to help herself and no matter what I say, it goes right over her head like I didn't say a thing. There are things she really needs to take care of before she gets to the point that she can't make an informed decision. I'm sure this sounds selfish but there are issues with her will that needs to be updated as well as having some land surveyed and have her will changed accordingly.
Am I being awful and selfish or am I actually being reasonable? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks !!
My mom totally ignores me when I suggest X, Y or Z. Just acts like she doesn't hear me. Sooooo annoying.
When it's small potatoes, I'm trying to just ignore it. But big things that have a huge impact on her well-being and therefore my world too? I push as hard as I can. Which usually leaves me very angry about her lack of effort but there I am. Right now we are in the middle of dealing with getting a severe sleep apnea diagnosis and waiting for insurance to approve a CPAP machine. I know it's going to be a battle to get her to use it. If I were her, I'd be so thrilled that I would be able to be less tired and confused. If she won't listen and use it (I'll be hiring help, with her $, to help her for at least a few nights), we'll be talking about her options. Assisted living, in home care, going to day care, etc. Mostly when I talk about the CPAP and how much it's going to improve her life, she ignores me. Okey dokey then. She's going to be in for a huge shock if I have to lower the boom on her. Oh well. It's getting to the "you made your bed, now you get to lie in it" time.
Oh and the being deaf and not wearing hearing aids is so annoying too! If you're hard of hearing, I would assume you'd actually prefer to hear what's going on around you?! Why would you not want to be able to follow the conversation around you? Why would you think that the rest of the world needs to change to make it easier for you (yelling, getting their attention first, etc)? Ugh.
We just did our open enrollment. We are moving soon and will update our will soon after.
To do open enrollment, we both had to have physicals.
You can point out to mom that this does NOT mean you think she's on the verge of death, she's simply taking care of herself and her estate. Don't pester her, give her the freedom of making her own appts, etc. if she's able.
You are not being selfish, not one iota. Everybody should take care of this stuff. A lot of people don't. I think THAT'S selfish, actually.
I'd actually draw up a list and then check off the things she's done as they're done. That might give her a sense of accomplishment.
And reminding her that you took stellar care of dad wouldn't go amiss.
End of the year.
Open enrollment
Tell her that she needs to have a full check up.
Bring up the subject of your dad.
that you saw how she cared for him....
that you want to be able to do the same for her.......
that YOU are going to get your Will updated and YOUR paperwork in order and that you can make an appointment for her at the same time.......
You are not being selfish you are being responsible.