My sister and I are caregivers for our mom and step dad. The other sister lives an hour away from mom and has made it very clear she is not into caregiving but will come down every month or two to "clean" mom's house. Her cleaning leaves a lot to be desired because the floors and counters should be cleaned a lot more often, so caregiver sister and I end up doing all the cleaning once a week and don't mention it to Distant sister because she'll cop an attitude how we are not letting her help. Distant sister rarely visits and when she does, she makes promises to our parents that she either cannot or will not do. She's always in a hurry to visit and leave because she has so much to do in her yard. (my sister and I also have our homes and yards to keep up and I'm a widow) She has no children and hires the neighbor boy to help her. Her husband isn't into working in the yard like she is. She has 1 year before retirement and promises to drive to mom's 1x week to help out. I highly doubt she will. She reminds us to please keep her informed as to what is happening with mom's decline.
I'm at mom's 3-4 days a week and caregiver sister the same but on different days. I make notes on an email to distant sister then send it once a week.
Her response is always the email I sent her with highlighted bits and pieces pointing out this is a way she would not want to be treated. Example.....when going shopping (before virus) I was helping mom make up grocery list. I asked dad 4x if he has his wallet and checkbook (mom has Alzheimer's and dad has dementia) he would say yes he does, pat his pocket and say no I don't then go to bedroom for it and get distracted and come back out without it. Mom was being very difficult that morning but we were working through the list. Finally, dad said he did have it so we got on the road because we had a foot Dr appt. My fault ...I did not follow through to see if he had his wallet. When we got to our destination, he then realized he didn't have it and wanted me to take them home so he could get it and I refused to drive 1/2 hr back home and another1/2hr back into town for shopping. He was mad at me but I just paid for the groceries myself and he paid me back.
I mentioned this to my distant sister and there seemed to be no understanding of what my caregiver sister and I go through daily...just complaining about how I should have taken them back home to get his wallet because it was my fault it was forgotten I the first place because I didn't follow through to make sure he had his wallet. Also to make sure I knew that I should have taken them back home because that's the way she would treat them because that's the way she wants to be treated. She does this everytime I send her an email. She doesn't seem to get the point of the email about how much they are both declining. It's gotten to the point where I don't keep her updated because I know what her response would be. I don't have time for her nit picking. I'm tired. Now she tells my caregiver sister that I don't keep her updated. Caregiver sister doesn't respond and doesn't want to get into the middle of it because she totally understand where I'm coming from.
So...my question is: do I continue to keep distant sister informed or just save myself the hassle of emailing her with an attitude pointing out to me how I've failed in my caregiving duties. I'm trying as hard as I can but I'm human...I make mistakes... My feelings are to keep her updated and ignore her response but I'm starting to resent her attitude because my sister and I are doing the best we can and we are both pretty disgusted with distant sister. Thank you all for listening to me ramble on.