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I am 78. My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimers over a hear ago. If I go down.... I have problems with my back and my family has a history of heart attacks.... who is going to care for my wife?


This may become an emergency if something happens to me. Our children have moved away from the area so I will need some outside help.

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In case something happens to you you should have instructions written somewhere where the EMS people responding can find them. You need to give them the bare basics, such as "children phone numbers" and "My wife suffers from: and list everything. This is at least a start. My worry is if something happens and she is unable to respond by calling anyone. It is time for at least a phone tree. You need to call a family member or any neighbor or friend daily in the a.m. and p.m. The failure of them to hear from you will result in a "Wellness check" call to their local emergency services. You must have this in place for protection of you both. Hugs.
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rocketjcat Sep 12, 2019
Excellent proactive advice.
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CW, you say your wife was officially diagnosed a year ago...by her doctor I assume? So it’s with her/your doctor I would start. Make sure they know about the hallucinations, just in case she needs to be tested for a UTI. But it also is the time to have a frank discussion with the doctor in private ahead of the appointment that her needs have progressed beyond your ability and health. There is no shame or guilt in that...this is what the entire profession of elderly support and caregivers is there for, to help us. Memory care should be realistically considered for both your benefits.
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We found a good and small memory care where we keep mthr. This way we can go visit and other people deal with what she would be embarrassed by us seeing. We are able to go to conventions and weddings and our kids' activities without worrying who will take care of her. It has been such a blessing.

When we were newlyweds, we had a delightful older couple who lived next door to us. He was a devoted husband and kept his wife at home as long as he could. Once she began to wander, he could not control her. He placed her in a memory care where the doors and window are alarmed. He went out first thing in the morning and got her out of bed and went to the cafeteria with her for breakfast and lunch, fed her when she needed help, made sure she was entertained, and then went and had his men's meetings and shopping. In the evenings, he went by at 4 to get her to dinner at 5, then helped her get to bed. We would see him come home at 7 every night, and my little children would go hug him to keep him from being too lonely. He was such a devoted husband. When the team their son coached went to the state championship, he left her at the home, knowing she was fine. He brought back photos. He did this until she passed several years later.

You can find a place for her and still have her as the biggest part of your life. But if something happens, you will have peace of mind that she is ok.
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