Follow
Share

My mom had a stroke when I was five. And (thank god) someone else was there to take care of her at that time. She was ok for a couple of years. Minus the lowered mobility that she had accured. As I grew older I started to see changes I'm my mother. Or maybe it was there the whole time and I didn't notice. She would start to steal my money. Saying she hadn't seen it and I would look over the whole apartment only to find it in her drawers. For her to turn and lie to my face I told her she could borrow it. Then it just kept getting worse. She would scream at me for hours when all I was doing was working on my homework. She even threatened to burn me with a cigarette on multiple occasions. To burn the door down when I locked myself away to try and not explode on her. To swallow pills because apperently I didn't give a shit about her even though I was the only one making sure she took her pills, ate, didn't drink herself half to death. I even was the one walking across town at the age of 11 at 9:30 at night to go for something at the deppenaure for her. I even had to force her to throw up pills she had shoved into her mouth on more then one occasion. Around two and a half years ago my mother was committed to the hospital for a month. Her kidneys had failed and she had almost died. Since then I was cleaning everything even tho I already was doing most of it before. I cooked every meal. I had to force her to take her pills every day. And even then she would out right lie to me saying she took them and she hadn't. She would skip treatments if I was working even tho she had a lift. A doctor diagnosed her with mental difficulties a couple of months ago. But she is able to cook and clean. She just doesn't care to. Even when I'm working some times five days a week with 7 to 9 hour shifts and I'm so tired I can barely stay standing. I have my own medical problems. And the constant lying, stealing my money, having to do everything or my boyfriend doing everything for her. And she just keep piling the trash and demands up. She refuses to walk down the street by herself 99% of the time. She refuses to shower sometimes for up to five days. If not longer and I can't take the smell sometimes. She doesn't eat unless someone cooks for her till she's so weak she's dizzy and has trouble walking. She throws tantrums if she doesn't get her way. She even tried to stab my boyfriend with a fork because he wanted o make sure I could sleep in peace. I can't be here to take care of her 100% of the time. And I honestly don't think she needs it but if I'm not she refuses to do anything but sleep and watch her shows. And occasionally and this is rare she will actually go out. Those are the only times besides her treatments where I actually can relax and take time to take care of myself. Some days I can barely stand because of my back and she still demands me to go and do this or that and walk to go pick her up even tho it is daylight outside and she walked to my god mothers by herself. And if I don't. She won't leave. Only getting my godmother who has cancer upset. Making her call me to beg I come and get her. After all the verbal abuse. Lies. Stealing. Stress. One physical breakdown where I crash from everything and ended up at the hospital. I can't take it anymore. I need help. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I'm not the worse off in the world. But after years of being the adult (even before she was committed at the hospital). Since I was roughly 14 years old actually. I can't take it. I don't know what I should do.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
sometimes our bad words just come out from true despair, or a language communication. We've heard much worse. I preferred to interpret the content of the post as a cry for help, not to scold for a bad word. Sorry, but that is how I feel. I've done the same, but at the time of writing, my own emotions just come pouring out and I write what I feel. Please don't berate this person for calling out for HELP. For many people, this newsgroup may be the only contact they have for help and to be consoled. This may be their first time ever trying to reach out for help. I'd hate to think any of us have turned someone in dire need away and that they now feel as if no one cares. I care.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Obviously, the "apparently I don't give a sh*t" is a statement from her mother. This person is in distress, and you're scolding her? Shame on you. I personally am not 'offended' by someone stating the truth about what is happening to them. Hopefully, MajataRain hasn't disappeared from this site and given up completely. She's had a lifetime of abuse from her mother, and her own life is at stake. I pray she gets help somewhere.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You mentioned your mom is in kidney failure. Toxins tend to build up in the body when people are in kidney failure and often the result is the behaviour you described. Non the less it is extremely difficult and damaging to live with constant verbal and physical abuse that is not going to get better...been there done that! If her finances are good try and hire an aide or get her into assisted living and remove youself from the situation. It will be much better for you if you have the freedom to leave when she starts in on you. Also if she threatenes suicide tell her you will call social services...sometimes the trest alone will stop the behaviour if she is using it to manipulate you. If she is depressed it may be time to have her reevsluated to see if her meds need to be changed. Good luck & get yourself some distance.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I'm pretty laid back about other people's language, as long as it is not bigoted. And this poster is quoting her mother, giving the flavor of their communications.

Also, it seems pretty clear this is someone outside of the US, and when language issues arise I tend to give the "outsider" the benefit of the doubt. If English is your second language you may not always realize that what you hear at home or in your neighborhood may be offensive to polite people on a discussion board.

Anyway, I'm not volunteering for the clean-up-the-language squad.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

"A doctor diagnosed her with mental difficulties a couple of months ago." Did the doctor give these mental difficulties a name? Did he/she put together a treatment plan?

You mother may just be a mean, manipulative, uncaring person. Maybe. But my guess is that she is seriously mentally ill. That she is not "lying" to you but that she no longer recognizes what is true and what isn't.

But, mean or ill, your mother is beyond your ability to care for. You certainly deserve to pursue your own life, safely. You need to transfer the responsibility for her care to someone else, such as an agency that helps those with mental illness.

Please tell us where you are located. That may help you get more specific advice on how to proceed.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

True Garden Artist. I guess you are right. Just don't want to discourage someone who may legitimately need help by lecturing them about their language first time they post thats all.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Gershun, I too have read some worse comments, but maybe it's time to stand up to this and stop it. I used to just ignore those posts.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Actually I've heard a lot worse than"apparently I don't give a sh*t" on this website.
A lot worse. Does that make it right? No, but I'm just saying.......
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Are you prepared to do whatever it is going to take to extricate yourself from this situation? If you are, then listen up. Call Adult Protective Services and tell them you are moving out, and your mother cannot live alone. They will do an assessment or refer you to an agency who will.

Until you are willing to throw up your hands, cry uncle and have authorities do an intervention, nothing will change.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

First, I find expressions like "because apperently I didn't give a sh*t " vulgar and offensive. Others may as well. You might not get as many responses with that kind of crude language as you might otherwise. You seem to be articulate enough to express yourself without that kind of language.

Second, the threat to burn down the door and attempt to stab your BF with a fork suggest she has some serious mental issues, perhaps anger management issues, but is definitely a threat. It's just my personal opinion but I think she needs to be in a controlled psychiatric setting. She's a danger to herself and others.

Third, I'm not sure what "deppenaure" is but I'm guessing that you're not in America. It's hard to know what facilities might be available for you in that situation.

Fourth, what you should do is call your country's equivalent of an adult protective service, or even the police and explain to them the violent threats she's made. Ask them to place her in a mental institution.

Fifth, to me it's fruitless and irresponsible for everyone involved to attempt to manage this situation on your own. Get help from the local authorities, especially the police, and get it now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.