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My mother had 10 mini strokes 10 yrs ago. I'm only child. I moved her in with me 8 yrs & 2 of those yrs I also took care of my brother till he passed & work outside the home. My marriage had ended right before all this. I'm in serious burn out. I will be 50 in may. My mother does nothing to help herself AT ALL. No rehab..she runs them off. She has a caregiver 34 hrs a wk but no help at night or weekends. I can not tell you the last time I actually went out except to work or grocery store, Drs etc. Can not even make my grandkids ball games or school activities. I'm trying to make a decision to
Put her in nursing home but feel so much guilt. Yes my health has suffered. I have messed my back up lifting on her & now tendons in my right arm is tore. All from lifting her. She is completely dead weight.
We use to be close but now I'm so angry at her. I feel like she could of got better with rehab. My grandma was same way. My mom worked 50 hr wks for yrs so she has not always been this way. Oh I'm an only sibling now. Is it wrong to want my own life now that I'm turning 50. Thank u

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Nana, going forward, you need to save yourself. Your mom needs professional care in part at least due to her stubbornness in refusing rehab. Everyone on this board should learn from this...do not accept discharge of an elder who hasn't done rehab. If they "run them off" walk away. Enabling helplessness is not a kindness.
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Yes, rehab would have helped her tremendously. It sounds mean, but you put your foot down and refuse to take her home. If she goes to the hospital, you make it clear to all of them you cannot take care of her. No single person can do what 3 shifts of nurse plus aides can do. You have done a standout job by hanging in there for 8 years. It's time to let the pro's do the heavy lifting. You would still be involved in her care, without killing yourself.
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